Friday, January 6, 2017

Resolutions are stupid... And here are mine.

I have always been the cynic that thinks new years resolutions are stupid. "New Year, New Me!" Just because we've moved from December 31 -INSERT OLD YEAR HERE- to January 1st -INSERT NEW YEAR HERE-, doesn't mean that anything is really different. The calories from that 5th donut you ate on December 31st will still exist on January 1st. The alcohol you drowned 2016 in will cause your hangover in 2017.

If you want to make a change in your life, you should do it immediately. Waiting doesn't usually work, trust me. Waiting a few weeks (or months) to change something will usually force you to put it off even more. "Well, I've already said I was going to start working out on Monday and it's Friday so maybe I'll just do it next Monday" and so on until you realize that you've been paying for a gym membership for 2 years without using it once.

Then I started really thinking about everything. The things I wanted to change in my life. Ways I wanted to recover from "The Year We Do Not Speak Of". I've been sucked in, dammit. I've made 3 New Years Resolutions and me writing this is actually one of them. I'm going to let you know what the resolutions are and how I firmly believe I am going to keep them. Wish me luck. And give me shit when you know I need it.

Lauren's Ultra-Lame Conformist New Years Resolutions

  1. No using my phone while driving - I would like to start out this post by shamelessly calling out people over the age of 50. People over the age of 50 constantly complain about us "young kids" being on our phones all the time, including when we're driving. I commute approximately 2.5 hours each day and most people I see on their phones are people over the age of 50 (or people who look over the age of 50). So let's just say that we all do it and it's a shitty thing to do and we should really stop doing it. I text while driving, I look at Instagram/Facebook while at stop lights, and I use WAZE while driving. But I'm not going to anymore because I do not want to be responsible for killing (or even just injuring) an innocent human being (or animal!!) with my stupidity. How am I going to help achieve this? As previously stated, I have a long ass commute Monday - Friday. Podcasts have been my new buddy. When I get in the car in the morning, I throw on the Podcast playlist. I have a device (not this but similar) where I can mount my phone on my dashboard. That's where my phone goes. I also put my phone on "Do Not Disturb" as an added measure. Whenever I hear my text message ring tone, I'm too curious not to look at it. "Do Not Disturb" ensures that if my mom (or other family members... Or Jessica) calls with an emergency, I can answer it. Otherwise, it's not important. 
    Completely unrelated side note... Who is this man?!
  2. Write More - Writing has always been an outlet and a passion for me. I've always said that if I could just get one good idea, such as "The Boy Who Lived", I would be set. Unfortunately, that one good idea hasn't struck yet and while I have a few novel ideas set up in my head, I've never really fleshed them out. I don't even know if that's something I plan on doing this year. But what I do plan on doing is writing more, in general. I have an idea for this blog, but revealing it is more commitment than I'm ready for so instead... How am I going to achieve this? Every Sunday morning, after I wake up, brush my teeth (because I cannot do a single thing without brushing my teeth first thing in the morning), wash my face, and make my bed, I am going to write in my journal. About anything. I'll sit down with my coffee, my journal, a pen, and probably my shadow next to me (aka: Harley), and write. I have a journal jar and a "Book of Questions" (written in the mid-90s that I found at my parents cabin). I'm set. Maybe this time next year, I'll be telling you about how I'm actually writing my first novel. (lol)
  3. Save. Money. - I have a problem, guys. I love shopping. Over the years, I have gotten a lot better about "do I really need this?" but it's still pretty bad. Would you like an example? I have 27 books on my shelf that I have not read yet. Last year, I read 25 books. This is insane. Why do I keep buying books? (Jessica, I understand that you don't believe that book buying is a problem and that buying books shouldn't be part of that whole "shopaholic" thing I have going on. You're not going to tempt me she-devil go away). Sephora is the worst thing in the entire world. When did Sephora open? I don't remember Sephora when I was in high school or even college, actually. (Fun Fact: It was started in 1970 so I'm just really dumb). I am a Rogue Member (that means I spend at least $1k per year at Sephora) and I seriously have a problem. I currently have 6 different eyeshadow palettes (this doesn't include the individual eyeshadows I own), 21 different lipsticks, 3 highlighting palettes (not including my favorite Armani highlighter), and then there's everything else in my collection. My closet is over flowing and I have more shoes than I actually wear. How am I going to achieve this? I made an excel spreadsheet with a list of all of my bills that I pay monthly as well as my monthly income. My goal is to eventually save an entire paycheck a month, but I'm currently paying off all the Christmas Presents that are still sitting on my credit cards. Also, some of my hilariously wonderful co-workers are also trying to achieve a similar goal. We've created a little group where we are not allowed to spend "extra" money for 3 months. Food doesn't count and you're able to "replace" things (i.e. if you run out of foundation or hygienic products). Your monthly memberships don't count (i.e. Netflix and Gym Memberships) but you can't sign up for new things. If you fail, you have to come clean to the entire group.
So there you have it. My lame ass post about resolutions, despite opening up by saying that resolutions are dumb. If you need to save money too, let me know and I'll yell at you not to. I'm really good at yelling and I'm super great at guilt trips. In the end, you do you. If you want to have a resolution that you believe will make you a better, more amazing version of yourself, go for it. No matter what anyone says.

- so I can sigh eternally -


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