Friday, January 13, 2017

Mr. Robot. "Zer0-day.avi"

Mr. Robot has taught me a lot of beautiful things. Most importantly, I am hella smart and I should always trust my awesome smartness skills. I also learned how to cover up finger prints and that if I commit a crime, I shouldn't post it on Twitter.

If you're questioning if you should watch Mr. Robot or not, you should. Also, you really shouldn't be here if you've never watched Mr. Robot because this is literally the last episode of season one's recap. So if you're here, and still wonder, you're dumb, go away.

I totally look at walls like that too, dude.
  1. Half of me doesn't know if I want to watch this last episode or not. Maybe I don't ever want to know if Christian Slater is really real. Maybe I've created a beautiful Mr. Robot inside my head. MAYBE I CAN'T HANDLE THIS. 
  2. Okay. I'm cool now. Mostly because I want to see what happens with Tyrell. How did this piece of shit become one of my favorite characters?
  3. I kind of hate myself.
  4. Oh hey, it's that guy that Elliott stole the dog from. The cheating piece of poop. CPP for short.
  5. Yeah, I'd call myself Michael too if my real name was Lenny.
  6. CPP reached out to his side piece (ex-side piece) because he has cancer and is dying? Gross.
  7. LOL OH WAIT, he doesn't even have cancer and he's not dying. He literally made that up. This CPP gets worse every second.
  8. Lol. Okay. As a person who works in Fraud, I get that I shouldn't be okay with Elliott hacking people. And I do get why CPP would go to the cops about this. But at the same time, YOU'RE A CHEATING PIECE OF POOP. You do not deserve to be treated like an innocent. 
  9. I cannot stop laughing about this guy. He is acting like such a victim. No, dude. Actions have consequences. You constantly played women and now you messed with the wrong woman and she had people who fought back against you. 
  10. This guy is all "Elliott ruined my life!" No. Dude. What are you not understanding? You cheated on your wife with SEVERAL women over the course of YEARS. And a guy who outed you is the bad guy? He's the one who ruined your life? Yeah, fuck off.
    "Hmmm, what you're saying is right but you're a horrid person so...."
  11. I need to go on a quick rant real quick to call out everyone who pulls shit like this. "So-and-so ruined my life." I'm going to guess that your own actions ruined your own life. That's how life works. Yeah, there are exceptions to the rule, but I promise you probably are not the exception to the rule.
  12. Back to the show.
  13. I hope the psychologist lady doesn't help this CPP
  14. She doesn't have to tell you shit. Let me explain this to you again. You. Are. A. Piece. Of. Poop. You are scum. 
  15. "We were a good thing!" HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this guy should straight up be a fucking COMEDIAN. Your ENTIRE relationship was a lie. You didn't even tell her your real name. I cannot with this scene anymore.
  16. You are trying to reminisce with one of your many side pieces. 
  17. YAASSS! The Psychologist ain't helping this CPP. Good Girl.
  18. Real talk: who goes into their house without turning on any lights? People in movies and shows do this so often. They just CHILL in the dark and wonder why they get murdered and/or kidnapped.
  19. Did I miss something? I feel like I really missed something.
  20. I didn't skip an episode did I?
  21. "Who am I?" LOL Elliott. None of us know that answer. Ask Christian Slater.
  22. You're 1 Part Remi Malek and 1 part Christian Slater. 
  23. No really. I'm so confused.
  24. Haha! Elliott no longer trusts his own brain. Same, Elliott, same.
  25. Angela found a new job pretty quickly. That's not really how the real working world works but okay.
  26. Oh wait... Did she accept the Evil Corp job? Is that what this place is?
  28. Fsociety even has a buzzfeed article. That means they're legit.
  29. Unless you're Trump. Then Fsociety is not legit.
  30. Is my blog going to be shut down now?
  31. Oh hey. We have those exact same conference chairs. Good taste, Gideon.
    Fancy. Especially for a company that's going down.
  32. "Ever since I started this company, it feels like I've just been rearranging chairs on the Titanic." Dude. This is literally how I feel about being an adult. This is so tragically beautiful. 
  33. Every time I hear 401k, I get a stress stomachache.
  34. I need to take this time to thank Tech Companies, like the one I work for, for not forcing a lame ass boring dress code.
  35. I hope Tyrell isn't dead.
  36. Never thought I'd say that, did you?
  37. "So this is what a revolution looks like? People in expensive clothing running around?" Yup. 
  38. Oh there's Tyrell. He's running fsociety now?
  39. I dislike Robin Hood storylines. Not because I don't believe in them, but just because they pull at me morally. The part of met hat was raised to work hard for my money says to let people fend for themselves. The part of me that is a decent human being, who realizes that shit happens, loves Robin Hood storylines.
  40. But also. Tyrell is rich?
  41. So why does he care?
  42. I'm going to skip over the part with the dogs and the euthanizing thing kthanx.
  43. Why are fires so pretty?
  44. I swear I'm not a pyro.
  45. YAS SHE'S SETTING ALL THE DOGS FREE!! Fuck shelters who kill dogs for space though. But super fuck people who adopt dogs without realizing what it takes to be a dog owner.
  46. Mail Order Bride and Elliott finally meet. I didn't know I wanted this to happen so badly.
  47. She probably can hear your thoughts, Elliott. She's crazy. So crazy. Possibly more crazy than you are.
  48. This entire scene is so crazy and so awesome.
  49. The background music is just SO ON POINT. They killed this scene. I am so creeped out and I love it.
  50. "That's an interesting question." Aka: I'm not answering this and I'm going to change the subject now.
  51. I feel for those people who have to make public statements and answer questions like this. He wasn't the only person to make decisions and he isn't the one who causes people to go into debt but he'll be the face of it and he has to figure out how to phrase stuff on the fly.
  52. If only all people in these types of situations and interviews were this honest.
  53. Wait... Is he only being honest cause he's going to kill - Yup... He just killed himself.
  54. I feel like there would be more brain chunks on the back window? Just sayin.
  55. It is confirmed. Angela did accept the Evil Corp job.
  56. All I have to say is wow. Even if she's there as part of the revenge plan. Still wow.
  57. Evil Corp should at least buy Angela a new pair of shoes. A pair that doesn't have dead guy on  them.
  58. "Hi, you should go home after this traumatic experience. But do note, there's a super important conference that's going to happen and if you're not there, you might get fired." That's pretty much the gist of this scene.
  59. LOL the way he handled the shoes... Gave her money and said "you need some new shoes. Those won't do anymore."
  61. This is a video of him falling off the boardwalk. Except he's by himself, of course.
  62. I missed your face, Christian Slater.
  63. This shoe salesman is AWFUL. I mean. He's right. Angela is there buying shoes after she was just in the same room, watching a guy kill himself. But he's also a customer service representative. Don't be in customer service if you want to be honest. 
  64. And now he straight up called her COLD. Damn.
  65. "Have some moral fiber and leave their asses." And become a shoe salesman like you? lol.
    I kind of like the blood splatter shoes though?
  67. Elliott. You can't try to fight Christian Slater in public because AS I HAVE ALREADY SAID, YOU ARE CHRISTIAN SLATER
  68. It's like Fight Club.
  69. "I reccomend you get one of those bluetooth headsets, that way everyone think you're the local douche" I love you Christian Slater.
  70. It's a true testament to society. Elliott gets knocked out and some loser is video taping it. He's probably putting it on snapchat.
  71. HOLY SHIT NO. Please tell me that Elliott and Evil Corp didn't make a pact, right? Cause guy from Smashed is acting way too confident that they'll be okay...
  72. "Don't talk your way out of a compliment." THANK. YOU. This goes out to all those girls who say "OH M GEEEEEEE NOOOOO. I DO NOT LOOK PRETTY TODAY I AM SO FAT AND I LOOK SO UGLY AND I LOOK LIKE SHIT UGGGGH" but they really want you to keep telling them how pretty they are.
  73. I hate you.
  74. That's genius. They're throwing a party at their arcade so that there are finger prints everywhere. That is so much simpler than wiping everything down and possibly missing something.
  75. I'll remember this in the future.
  76. Just kidding.
  77. ...
  78. :)
  79. Imagine how beautiful Times Square would be without any people in it.
    The only way I would visit this place. When it's empty.
  80. How insane is Elliott?
  81. On a scale of 1 to 10?
  83. I hate that I actually care.
  84. Also, the dog still hasn't pooped out that computer part, has he?
  85. Are you serious right now?
  86. That's the ending?
  87. That's the finale of season 1?
  88. Fuck all of you.

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