Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Mr. Robot. "da3m0ns.mp4"

Too much "find yourself" ecstasy talk and not enough proving that Christian Slater isn't real.

It's Bond. Elliott Bond.

  1. For once, I'm thankful for the "previously on" feature.
  2. When nerds have no idea what you're saying...
  3. OH RIGHT. Gotta remember to see if anyone is paying attention to my boy Christian Slater.
  4. LOL maps. No one uses maps anymore. Except fsociety, apparently.
  5. And actual photos? These guys are adorable.
    SEE HOW CHRISTIAN SLATER IS AWAY FROM ALL OF THEM?!
  6. Uh oh. Did they infect Elliott with some sort of disease?!
  7. Oh no. He's just starting his with drawls. Cool.
  8. I feel like a lot of junkies have had this exact conversation with their drugs.
  9. "It needs me." Nope.
  10. "Get through the next couple of days and then I'll be clean." Lol. Nope. Times 2.
  11. I ALWAYS FORGET THAT HE HAS A DOG
  12. They should feature this dog more.
  13. Whoa. Elliott. Your level of paranoid is through the roof.
  14. I know I say it every episode, but annoying hacker chick is so annoying.
  15. Of course Evil Corp is raising their security. That Tyrell guy knows what's up.
  16. LOL IS THAT GUY WEARING A THREE WOLVES T-SHIRT?
  17. I light weight might want it. Possibly.
  18. Annoying hacker chick knows another bad ass hacker group. Wonder how many of the guys in the group she's banged.
  19. Aren't all these hackers junkies? They 100% look it.
  20. They just stole a soccer mom's car? Rude.
  21. No. Christian Slater is not going to say anything about this BECAUSE HE'S NOT REAL.
  22. My fear of having a cold is why I couldn't be a junkie. Withdrawls look awful.
  23. Elliott's rants are starting to make more sense to me?
  24. I don't know if I've said this or not, but the filming of this show is just beautiful.
  25. Oh right. Boring boyfriend and boring Angela are still together.
  26. WOW. Her boyfriend is such a sleezeball.
  27. And now he's way too over reaching. "I'm not gonna let myself off easy. You're gonna be wined and you're gonna be dined until I feel like I'm out of the doghouse." Wow. Just wow.
  28. What does girlfriend neighbor chick do all day?
  29. I love fake hackers talking shit about fake hackers.
  30. Speaking of, Johnny Lee Miller used to be so hot.
  31. "I got so wasted I forgot it's Sunday." Stay classy, annoying hacker chick.
  32. Legitimately the only girl on this show I don't hate is the not annoying hacker chick and I don't think they have said her name.
  33. What in the hell is girlfriend neighbor wearing?
    That's totally last nights make-up too.
  34. Of course ehe calls ecstasy "clarity". Here she is, lecturing a girl she doesn't really know about how she needs to find herself and "forget about" life for a while. Sweetheart, you live in a shit-hole where you apparently don't work, you get so wasted with your drug dealer that he (routinely) rapes you (but you think it's okay because you were wasted), and you're in a "relationship" with someone who doesn't even love you and isn't truthful with you. I totally understand where you're going and I'm all thumbs up for using (certain) drugs recreationally to let go and find yourself, but let's not get carried away. Let's come back to the part where your life is a shitshow.
  35. Then again, these two girls are a lot more alike than I thought. Elliott has a type.
  36. This is a club. A club where everyone plays ping pong? ... cool...
  37. Well shit. Someone just talked to Christian Slater and I just don't know anymore.
  38. People talked to Brad Pitt in Fight Club too though.
  39. Yup. I'm holding onto my theory like Rose held onto that door in Titanic.
  40. Fuck all y'all.
  41. FUCK. Someone is having a seriously long conversation with Christian Slater. 
  42. I hate being wrong.
  43. Dude. Are you taking him to a like... haunted house?
  44. Oh. It's a crack house. Close enough. And scarier. 
  45. Yes. Those houses are as creepy as they portray on this show.
  46. DID YOU JUST TAKE A NEEDLE FROM A STRANGER?!
  47. Elliott. WTF are you doing?
  48. This entire episode is so fucked.
  49. And now people are being shot?
  50. I feel like I'm in a real fucked up version of Alice in Wonderland.
  51. Is this a dream?
  52. Yes. Yes it is. 
  53. This is getting creepy AF
  54. He HAS to be tripping
  55. All the houses look the same BLAH BLAH BLAH
  56. His is an empty lot that says "404 Error" hahahahaha
    This show is so meta.
  57. So much symbolism.
  58. Tyrell is in his house. this guy is trippin balls.
  59. And I love that this fish sounds like a sexy, funky, black man.
  60. This fish is talking about how exhausted he is in this world. How he has to see the same shit every single day. How he has to do the same shit every single day...
  61. Same.
  62. A restaurant where you can't force people to share what's on their plate?
  63. Rude.
  64. That's the WHOLE REASON of eating out with people. You order different things and force the other person to let you eat half their plate.
  65. Now I know why I'm single.
  66. Boring Angela is eating the sexy funky black man fish? This is why I hate her.
  67. OH THEY'RE CUBICLES I GET IT NOW
  68. Clever.
  69. Oh. Elliott in a suit.
  70. Hmmmm...
  71. What's sexier? A shirtless Elliott or a tuxedo'd Elliott?
  72. The chick who plays Angela... her trying to be a badass bitch girl... ahahhahahahha such terrible acting. 
  73. Is this dream over yet? There's creepy laughing children.
  74. Damn dude. Withdrawl is not a fun thing. I'd rather just overdose.
  75. #sorrynotsorry
  76. Of course they left. You're a selfish dickwad sometimes, Elliott.
  77. I almost feel bad for you.
  78. OKAY BUT WAIT SINCE THIS WAS ALL A DREAM I STILL THINK THAT CHRISTIAN SLATER IS BRAD PITT SO WE'RE OKAY NOW.
  79. I'm not realizing that I might have ruined Fight Club for you?
  80. Or did I do that already?
  81. How does annoying hacker chick have any friends? Or a boyfriend?
  82. Or, better yet, how is she still alive?
  83. The guys she was looking for drives a limo and wears a creepy Satan mask?
    Everyone is going to die.
  84. Phones are NOT cheap, wtf?
  85. "Worrying is a waste of time" - the only intelligent thing that girlfriend neighbor has ever said.
  86. Oh. This is the most random girl on girl make out scene I have ever seen in my entire life.
    This scene only exists for all the nerd guys who were begging for it.
  87. "Badass bitch"? There is no way that boring Angela could ever be described that way.
  88. Stop being those girls that Jessica and I just talked about today. Giving out compliments like they're fucking tic-tacs.
  89. Annoying hacker chick needs pants. Everyone around her is bundled up in layers of clothing and she's in short shorts.
  90. One of those hacker guys in the other hacker group is her ex-boyfriend. Called it. 
  91. This is also an insanely random make out scene.
  92. Her fake crying is hilariously bad.
  93. Boring Angela made it to work?? I am SO impressed.
  94. After a night of ecstasy and self discovery, I would 100% have called out sick.
  95. Boring Angela is going to frame her boyfriend boyfriend for allowing the Asian hackers into their security program?
  96. YOU GO GIRL
  97. However, there are security cameras, right?
  98. There has to be.
  99. Girl, you're gonna be caught.

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