Saturday, December 31, 2016

Twenty Sixteen.


As the joke goes, 2016 is a year that everyone will skip during the History of Earth. 2015 will seamlessly melt into 2017, without a pause for 2016. Future generations will ask what happened to 2016. Their questions will be met with grave faces that tell a lifetime of stories. For, as you know, 2016 has been the worst year of all years.



For me, years that end in 6 tend to be full of turmoil. They have always been a time for change and a time for ache. They have been years that have forced me to grow up and come to terms with life. Let's just say that I'm not eager to find out with 2026 holds for me, but who knows? Maybe I'll break the cycle within the next 10 years. I sure hope so.

Here's what I want to do right now. I want to look back on 2016 and talk about all the amazing things that happened this year. All the things that I got to experience, because I did experience so many different things this year.




After a rough first start to 2016, my mom and I got to spend 2 weeks in Europe together. When I was planning this trip, I was terrified that we were going to spend 2 weeks arguing and that only one of us would make it home alive. Let's not kid ourselves. You all thought that was how our Europe trip would go too. I prepped myself for months beforehand. I worked through my sadness from the break-up (and the confusion of working on things with him) and slowly trained dad on how to watch a blind dog for 2 weeks (I probably should have helped him figure out our new fangled washing machine first though). When I got to Prague, my mom, who had been alone for 1.5 weeks, was practically in tears. She was so happy that I had made it safely and that she was no longer alone in Europe. Those 2 weeks were beyond amazing. We ate and drank our way through Prague and Paris. My mom let me plan practically everything (which included walking around The Louvre for 7+ hours) and I am proud to say that we only argued once during the entire trip. This argument was in the most beautiful cemetery I have ever been in and a kind old French man gave me a tour of all the famous graves. That trip made us realize that we could most definitely travel together. My dad isn't much for traveling (besides Hawaii) so this was a thrilling new discovery for my mom.


Soon after this trip was my very first weekend long music festival. Caitlin had been trying to convince me for about a year, to go to Lightning in a Bottle. If you've met Caitlin, you know that she is very persistent, which is one of the qualities I love about her. She wore me down and I finally agreed to go even though she was the only person I would know there. I had second thoughts on a daily basis. In the end, going to LIB was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Despite the non-stop daily heat, I had an amazing, eye-opening experience with the most accepting group of people I've ever met. Each person at LIB was kind, loving, and happy. As an introvert who dislikes people, going into this group of people with my guards up and my snappy replies on the tip of my tongue... I don't think I had any idea what I was getting myself into. It was an experience that made my heart so happy. It's nice to know how many good people there are in the world. Also, shout out to the woman who told me to stop and look at the moon my 2nd night there. That moment has stayed with me.


Over the next few months, I grew. I got new tattoos, I dyed my hair, I wrote down all my feelings, and I cried a lot. I also re-watched Bones three times.


During this time, I also planned a birthday trip for the books. I turned 28 years old this year and I planned to go back to Salem, MA. When my grandfather's family immigrated from Greece, they settled in Salem. I've visited Salem 3 (now 4) times and I don't think I'll ever get sick of if. Two of my most favorite people in the world came with me. My cousin, Nami, had already been to Salem with me during high school. One of my best friends, Kaitlin (not to be confused with Caitlin), had never been to Salem. It's interesting how different trips are when you're not with your parents, you have your own money, and you're old enough to drink. We ate, drank, and shopped our touristing butts through Salem. I don't think I've ever, in my life, had a better birthday than this past one. Sure, all 3 of us learned that people from the Bay Area think that they own a "heavy" jacket but trust me, you don't. At least we walked enough to burn off the 2000+ calories we ate everyday....... Right? Oh by the way, Prague isn't expensive and your coffee sucks.


One of the most memorable nights of my life will always be the Stevie Nicks concert. A few years ago, Fleetwood Mac came to town. I eagerly went to my boyfriend at the time and we both decided we were going to go... Until we saw that tickets were in the $170 range. We decided, grudgingly, not to go. I've regretted that decision for years. When Stevie Nicks announced that she was going to go on a tour this year, I jumped at the chance. My mom and I purchased our tickets and eagerly awaited the day. The show was 3 hours of 68 year old Stevie telling us countless stories about the songs she wrote and performed. She told us that the music she was singing on this tour is some things that she has never performed before. In her words, she was doing what she wanted to do this time around, no matter what anyone said. She gave advice about doing your own thing and figuring your shit out. She told everyone not to let anyone else stand in the way of your own happiness. During her final song, "Landslide", I cried. Don't worry, Stevie, I heard you.


As I sit here, on the 2nd to the last day of 2016, I think about all the great experiences I got to have this year. Yeah, 2016 was a no good, horribly shitty year for me and I am so thankful that it's over... But I'm even more thankful for all the great things that have happened this year. If I were to put my good experiences and my bad experiences for 2016 on a scale... Well, the bad experiences would really win out but at least the good experiences would put a good amount of weight down. My support system is more amazing than I could have ever dreamed of. The friends and family members who have listened to my non-stop bitching all year, the ones who have dried my tears for me, and the ones who have hugged me when I needed it... You're the most wonderful people in the world and I have no idea what I did to deserve any of you.



I have no resolutions for 2017. I'm not starting this year with a promise that I'm going to do this and/or not do that. I'm not even going to say, "In 2017, I'm going to focus on being happy." I think that, for 2017, I'll just see what happens.

Bring it on.

- so I can sigh eternally -

 lauren.




Thursday, December 29, 2016

Mr. Robot. "br4ve-trave1er.asf"

I'm crying just looking at this.
  1. Looking at some pieces of art makes me realize that I should really make my own art and sell it to people. For a lot of money.
  2. Wait. Shayla is alive?! Oh good.
  3. So awesome that not a single person in that restaurant reacts to Shayla being kidnapped. It's terrifying that this is reality. It's like the final episode of Seinfeld.
  4. In this episode, Elliott learns that actions have consequences.
  5. How does this drug guy still look high af? Can you also get drugs in jail? What exactly can you NOT get in jail?
  6. Hopefully Angela isn't doing research on her work computer. Use your framed ex-boyfriend's computer. He hasn't been fired yet.
  7. Wonder what's on those USBs -insert eye roll here-
  8. Does anyone on this show have any compassion? Or intelligence?
  9. "Oh your mom died? Boo fucking hoo." Actual line from the show.
  10. And this is why I couldn't be a lawyer. You can defend a repeat rapist but you won't take on a legitimate case because there's no money in it and/or it's dangerous. Okay.
  11. Wow. Clueless cop is clueless. These guys have less brains then Rosewood PD (shameless Pretty Little Liars reference is shameless, I know).
  12. Phishing scams are funny because it takes a moron to actually fall for it and you totes deserve it.
  13. YOU WON A FREE PRIZE
  14. like lol okay
  15. They planted those USBs but didn't have something to override the system when the system said "HI THIS ISN'T SAFE PLEASE DON'T DO THE THING YOU'RE DOING." Okay.
  16. Oh NOW the lawyer is a nice lady who wants to talk? Doubtful.
  17. What a boring bookshelf. They're all basically the same book. This is how I know you don't read.
  18. Another reason I couldn't be a lawyer.
  19. So every guy at Tyrell's company has bad hair. They probably have a company discount at a barber shop.
  20. I don't think anyone on this show is comfortable around Tyrell. So maybe everyone thinks he's creepy.
  21. HAHAHAHAHA the husband knows about Tyrell's little incident in the bathroom with the wife.
  22. I like this guy.
  23. YOU TELL TYRELL
  24. Now you're calling his wife a liar? Bold move. Bad move, but also bold.
  25. DAYYYYYYUM this new CTO is ripping Tyrell a new asshole. I do approve of being mean to Tyrell. I have double standards, okay?
  26. Angela is HELLA annoying. Who just comes over to someone's house? This is why cell phones were created. 
  27. I love how Tyrell's wife just eats while he throws his temper tantrum. Like, "Whatevs, dude." I like her.
    Say no to plastic surgery, kids.
  28. I also like when wives get to be like, "I was right", CAUSE THEY ALWAYS ARE.
  29. I don't even have a wife nor am I one, and I know that they're always right.
  30. Side note, LOVE his kitchen that he probably never uses.
  31. His wife is on top of this shit. She's a badass. Please don't make me hate her.
  32. Angela "needs" Elliott's approval. Ugh. Get over yourself.
    "I don't want to be with you but I want you to be in love with me forever."
  33. Whoa. Let's not let Shayla die though. I like her.
  34. Christian Slater is right though. Everyone is going to die if Elliott helps the drug dealer and everyone is going to die if he doesn't help the drug dealer.
  35. How have I not noticed how much I like Christian Slater's glasses?
  36. Probably cause his beautiful face was distracting me.
    -insert heart eye emoji here-
  37. You really think that A. Elliott would have Drake and/or Pitbull and B. That Drake and/or Pit bull is considered good music over Tom Petty and Pink Floyd? No.
  38. "Bitch boy"? Oh little Buffy extra. I remember you. You were a big baby who no one liked and your only friend was Dawn. That says a lot about a person.
  39. How about you don't draw attention to yourself, dude? Don't act super psyched about something cause when everyone gets set free from prison, they'll know something is up.
    If I stand up and scream, excitedly, about how someone is going to break me out of prison, no one will suspect me, yeah?
  40. Stop saying that the universe has something planned. That's super untrue. You're forcing this shit. That is not the universe speaking.
  41. Damn Elliott. You are good. (Almost) always one step ahead.
  42. What does "hug" really mean to this guy?
  43. You're going to Terry Colby? Bold move, Angela.
  44. Oh. You just stood there and said nothing. Okay.
  45. But we did get a close up of the ankle monitor so that's going to be important later.
  46. Oooooooo the brother doesn't want his drug dealing bro in the world.
  47. Probably a valid choice.
  48. At least these guys are rapists. That's nice.
  49. "Just wasn't your day, bro". What? Why does this family think that the universe is talking when they're really the ones doing the talking?
  50. Hacking is way too number reliant.
  51. This is why I could never be a hacker.
  52. I could write a book about it though.
  53. Or a blog.
  54. I'm hilarious.
  55. Elliott is fixated on "making moves". This isn't a game of chess. This is real life. And Shayla's life is LITERALLY in your hands.
  56. No one seems to want this guy out of jail.
  57. "Boy wonder"? Better than "bitch boy", I guess.
  58. I highly doubt you could hear the cell doors opening from OUTSIDE this huge secure facility.
  59. Are there really guard dogs at prisons?
  60. You'd think it'd be a lot harder to break out of prison.
  61. Hollywood magic.
  62. "This shit tastes better than any pussy I ever had". Judging by your lifestyle, I'll make an educated guess that the women you sleep with aren't very upstanding citizens who take care of themselves. So this statement isn't really fantastic. That's like saying, "This is better than being in math class" because literally everything is better than being in math class.
  63. Also, you seem like that asshole who expects blow jobs but wouldn't ever eat a girl out so I highly doubt you've even tasted pussy.
  64. Why are you guys just standing around? LET'S GET GOING
  65. Oh shit. Drug guy had his own brother killed. This family is fucked up.
  66. Oh no.
  67. Oh no.
  68. Oh no.
  69. Shayla's in the trunk isn't she?
  70. Fuck
  71. Fuck
  72. I hope she's not dead
  73. Oh god. she's dead, isn't she?
  74. I hate this show.
  75. I hate this show so much.
  76. SHE WAS JUST GETTING HER LIFE TOGETHER
  77. UGH
  78. Why didn't you kill off Darlene instead?
  79. Get out of there. Elliott. Get out of there right now.
  80. This show is depressing. I need an upper after watching this next time.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Mr. Robot. "3xpl0its.wmv"

My face while watching every episode now.

This is the second episode where I question humanity and how much it sucks. I also start to think about this show being more of an artistic piece that mocks how AWFUL we are as human beings. I also teared up a little. They were tears of frustration and sadness. This show is real life getting to me.
  1. I always forget how many episodes I still have to watch. I feel like I'm already in so deep.
  2. I have real sympathy for prisoners. You're in this tiny ass cell with one single other person. And you're probably angry and bored as shit.
  3. Then again, how about you don't go to jail?
  4. Tell that to Brendan Dassey.
  5. Anywho. This lawyer chick is right. You put your shit online and you're shocked it was figured out?
  6. This little brother was TOTALLY in an episode of Buffy. How many times do I have to tell all of you that everything circles back to Buffy. EVERYTHING. 6 degrees of Buffy Summers.
  7. Or SMG. Whatever.
  8. How does this guy keep his hair bleached in prison?
    Do the rugs match the curtain...? Ugh. I hate myself.
  9. No. You don't kill someone to get "square" with the universe. That's not how this works.
  10. Let's not pretend this murdering drug dealer is actually intelligent.
  11. What a hipster ass cafe.
  12. I want to go there TBH
  13. GODDAMMIT. Why is Christian Slater talking to people?! I hate my life.
  14. I should not have told the internet that I thought Christian Slater wasn't real.
  15. I mean. Maybe he's not.
  16. I don't even know anymore.
  17. I'm gonna have to binge this show tonight, huh? Just for my peace of mind.
  18. Or is it piece of mind?
  19. Here's my reminder to google this later.
  20. (update: it's PEACE of mind, in this situation)
  21. Do people still name their children Wendy?
  22. "Bob's your uncle". Who is Bob? Why do old guys say this?
  23. Um. You look hella shady with your hood up in a business place.
  24. And you also look more shady by not knowing your own fake name.
  25. Elliott is an awful actor. Why are you guys having him go in?
  26. This is the equivalent of "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!"
  27. "I was being too weird" No. Fucking. Shit.
  28. Also, lol, I love Wikipedia and how unreliable it is but every college kid puts it in their references.
  29. Ugh. Boring boyfriend is the WORST.
  30. He's crying and now proposing and saying that SHE'S the one giving up? Um. No. Dude. You cheated on her.
  31. "You're ruining your life!" Angela: "Maybe, but I also ruined yours." DAMN GIRL OKAY
  32. You're framing him. Hahahah okay maybe I love you a little.
  33. "Did you even think about how this will affect me?" UM YEAH THAT'S WHY SHE DID IT
  34. Side note... They have a French Flag framed in their apartment why?
  35. This older guy is acting as if Elliott is Bill Gates.
  36. "HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE YOU FOR ICE CREAM" but if he was going to, that'd be the best tour ever.
  37. The more of Elliott's mother I see, the more I want to beat the shit out of her.
  38. Elliott. Dude. You need to chill.
  39. Whoa. This scene is not okay with me.
  40. That was so mean. Poor Bill. He's not nothing. I want to hug Bill now :/
  41. The ends do not justify the means!
  42. "I need you to go call someone that matters". It's "WHO MATTERS", you stupid jerkface!!!
  43. I hate this entire speech. I hate it. He's making Bill cry. THIS IS AWFUL. You're a dick, Elliott. Now I want to cry.
  44. Bill is just there, being a normal ass dude, doing his normal ass job. He is 100% not paid enough to take this bullshit speech from some hacking junkie.
  45. Fuck you, Elliott. You're not that much better than Tyrell.
  46. I hate this.
  47. Let's not be mean to people, okay guys?
  48. I kind of hope this supervisor lays down the fucking law. I now want Elliott to fail. 
  49. GOOD YOU GO TRUDY. You are a ghost. You bring them down.
  50. Nerds have the worst logic. "People are all the same."
  51. Yup. That's it. Me and Hitler are totes the same person.
  52. If you guys sent her a text message saying her husband died, I'm going to stop watching this show.
  53. Wow. Possibly close? Not sure what they sent. Still not good cause Bad Ass Trudy is leaving.
  54. The world sucks.
  55. Yeah so you know there's totally cameras everywhere, right? How does no one on this show know this?
  56. LOL HI TYRELL. I was just thinking about you.
    Field trip with the golden boy and the freak, circa 1995
  57. Awwww drug-y girlfriend neighbor chick is starting a new chapter by wearing a horrid outfit and being a waitress. Valid life choice.
  58. Can someone fix Tyrell's hair?
  59. Tyrell is a tad too smart for Elliott's lies.
  60. "Sure. I eat lunch." Elliott. Come on dude. The lead character from Ready Player One is better socialized than you are.
  61. I wonder if I would still think Tyrell was creepy looking if I didn't know his character. I always wonder that about serial killers. Would I have flirted with Ted Bundy or would my intuition tell me to run? These are the questions I ask myself daily.
  62. Oh Tyrell is judging the shit out of the waiter. Who the fuck cares? Money will never equal happiness. Maybe he likes his life. If he doesn't serve you salad, who will? Hmmm??
  63. I hate everyone on this show right now.
  64. Yes. Look more awkward when security shows up, Elliott. Shit. Pull yourself together.
    I TOTALLY BELONG HERE I'M NOT A HACKER I DON'T KNOW WHO FSOCIETY IS LOLOL I'M NORMAL
  65. Who throws up in a sink? Are you a drunk sorority girl?
  66. Tyrell thinks you're pooping now.
  67. Oh shit. Maybe not. I knew Tyrell knew what's up.
  68. I honestly do not know who I'm rooting for anymore.
  69. What just happened?
  70. Tyrell called Elliott out and then he's going to have him helicoptered back home? And he's not telling anyone he knows about Elliott?
  71. Darlene is going to be murdered, yeah? I won't really care because out of all the ladies, she's the only one not growing on me.
  72. Who reaches out to their ex-girlfriend's dad? What a dumbass. That'll always be his daughter. He probably always hated you anyway.
  73. I like Angela's dad. He's chill.
  74. How did she become so boring then?
  75. Do these two actually love one another? Tyrell and his Russian Order Bride? Other people's relationships are so weird.
  76. What a cool library. I wish more libraries looked like libraries.
  77. Yeah, Darlene is the least subtle person ever.
  78. She's also not quiet at all.
  79. The Dark Army. Hahahhah the names of the groups on this show are hilarious. Did 4chan come up with them all?
  80. Awwww Emo Darlene is throwing a temper tantrum.
  81. Who are these people that Tyrell and mail order bride are having dinner with?
  82. Why is that center piece so large?
  83. It's very distracting.
  84. This dinner is so uncomfortable.
  85. This wife is so uncomfortable.
  86. Awww Elliott is having a typical bullshit phone convo with this girlfriend. Cute.
  87. I hope he actually does care about her. She's totally obsessed with him.
  88. #hopelessromantic
  89. So rude. Making a pregnant woman smell the wine she can't drink.
  90. "Hey here's this awesome shit you can't have. You can't have it cause you're a pregnant woman. But us men folk never have to worry cause we ain't never gonna get pregnant."
  91. Rude.
  92. LOL Tyrell is just assumoing he can talk shit about his host to his hosts wife? And she's totally not taking it. This wife is definitely the first strong woman on this show.
  93. Hahahaha of course they have a bidet in their bathroom.
  94. Why doesn't this woman lock the door when she pees?
  95. And she's just letting Tyrell walk in?
  96. Oh. Okay. Of course. She's going to offer him sex. Wow. Every time I say I like a woman on the show, they pull this shit.
  97. Wait. They're not gonna have sex? Tyrell is someone I'd love to psychoanalyze, if I knew how to...
  98. WHY ARE PEOPLE TALKING TO CHRISTIAN SLATER NOW?!
  99. I hate this episode.
  100. Unless it goes full Fight Club.
  101. Darlene's tantrums are annoying.
  102. Also, I want a popcorn maker.
  103. A legit one. With real butter.
  104. Now I'm hungry.
  105. Why are you inviting Darlene over? Doesn't she have a home? Ugh. Don't be a dick to your girlfriend.
  106. Uh oh. Angela's dad is still doing shit with Evil Corp?? Or did they stop paying insurance?
  107. GO SHERLOCK ANGELA
  108. Please don't sleep with Darlene. Gross.
  109. Oh no. Please don't say Shayla is dead. I was just starting to kinda sorta like her.
  110. How do prisoners get phones?
  111. It's a fork in the road. Get it?

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Mr. Robot. "da3m0ns.mp4"

Too much "find yourself" ecstasy talk and not enough proving that Christian Slater isn't real.

It's Bond. Elliott Bond.

  1. For once, I'm thankful for the "previously on" feature.
  2. When nerds have no idea what you're saying...
  3. OH RIGHT. Gotta remember to see if anyone is paying attention to my boy Christian Slater.
  4. LOL maps. No one uses maps anymore. Except fsociety, apparently.
  5. And actual photos? These guys are adorable.
    SEE HOW CHRISTIAN SLATER IS AWAY FROM ALL OF THEM?!
  6. Uh oh. Did they infect Elliott with some sort of disease?!
  7. Oh no. He's just starting his with drawls. Cool.
  8. I feel like a lot of junkies have had this exact conversation with their drugs.
  9. "It needs me." Nope.
  10. "Get through the next couple of days and then I'll be clean." Lol. Nope. Times 2.
  11. I ALWAYS FORGET THAT HE HAS A DOG
  12. They should feature this dog more.
  13. Whoa. Elliott. Your level of paranoid is through the roof.
  14. I know I say it every episode, but annoying hacker chick is so annoying.
  15. Of course Evil Corp is raising their security. That Tyrell guy knows what's up.
  16. LOL IS THAT GUY WEARING A THREE WOLVES T-SHIRT?
  17. I light weight might want it. Possibly.
  18. Annoying hacker chick knows another bad ass hacker group. Wonder how many of the guys in the group she's banged.
  19. Aren't all these hackers junkies? They 100% look it.
  20. They just stole a soccer mom's car? Rude.
  21. No. Christian Slater is not going to say anything about this BECAUSE HE'S NOT REAL.
  22. My fear of having a cold is why I couldn't be a junkie. Withdrawls look awful.
  23. Elliott's rants are starting to make more sense to me?
  24. I don't know if I've said this or not, but the filming of this show is just beautiful.
  25. Oh right. Boring boyfriend and boring Angela are still together.
  26. WOW. Her boyfriend is such a sleezeball.
  27. And now he's way too over reaching. "I'm not gonna let myself off easy. You're gonna be wined and you're gonna be dined until I feel like I'm out of the doghouse." Wow. Just wow.
  28. What does girlfriend neighbor chick do all day?
  29. I love fake hackers talking shit about fake hackers.
  30. Speaking of, Johnny Lee Miller used to be so hot.
  31. "I got so wasted I forgot it's Sunday." Stay classy, annoying hacker chick.
  32. Legitimately the only girl on this show I don't hate is the not annoying hacker chick and I don't think they have said her name.
  33. What in the hell is girlfriend neighbor wearing?
    That's totally last nights make-up too.
  34. Of course ehe calls ecstasy "clarity". Here she is, lecturing a girl she doesn't really know about how she needs to find herself and "forget about" life for a while. Sweetheart, you live in a shit-hole where you apparently don't work, you get so wasted with your drug dealer that he (routinely) rapes you (but you think it's okay because you were wasted), and you're in a "relationship" with someone who doesn't even love you and isn't truthful with you. I totally understand where you're going and I'm all thumbs up for using (certain) drugs recreationally to let go and find yourself, but let's not get carried away. Let's come back to the part where your life is a shitshow.
  35. Then again, these two girls are a lot more alike than I thought. Elliott has a type.
  36. This is a club. A club where everyone plays ping pong? ... cool...
  37. Well shit. Someone just talked to Christian Slater and I just don't know anymore.
  38. People talked to Brad Pitt in Fight Club too though.
  39. Yup. I'm holding onto my theory like Rose held onto that door in Titanic.
  40. Fuck all y'all.
  41. FUCK. Someone is having a seriously long conversation with Christian Slater. 
  42. I hate being wrong.
  43. Dude. Are you taking him to a like... haunted house?
  44. Oh. It's a crack house. Close enough. And scarier. 
  45. Yes. Those houses are as creepy as they portray on this show.
  46. DID YOU JUST TAKE A NEEDLE FROM A STRANGER?!
  47. Elliott. WTF are you doing?
  48. This entire episode is so fucked.
  49. And now people are being shot?
  50. I feel like I'm in a real fucked up version of Alice in Wonderland.
  51. Is this a dream?
  52. Yes. Yes it is. 
  53. This is getting creepy AF
  54. He HAS to be tripping
  55. All the houses look the same BLAH BLAH BLAH
  56. His is an empty lot that says "404 Error" hahahahaha
    This show is so meta.
  57. So much symbolism.
  58. Tyrell is in his house. this guy is trippin balls.
  59. And I love that this fish sounds like a sexy, funky, black man.
  60. This fish is talking about how exhausted he is in this world. How he has to see the same shit every single day. How he has to do the same shit every single day...
  61. Same.
  62. A restaurant where you can't force people to share what's on their plate?
  63. Rude.
  64. That's the WHOLE REASON of eating out with people. You order different things and force the other person to let you eat half their plate.
  65. Now I know why I'm single.
  66. Boring Angela is eating the sexy funky black man fish? This is why I hate her.
  67. OH THEY'RE CUBICLES I GET IT NOW
  68. Clever.
  69. Oh. Elliott in a suit.
  70. Hmmmm...
  71. What's sexier? A shirtless Elliott or a tuxedo'd Elliott?
  72. The chick who plays Angela... her trying to be a badass bitch girl... ahahhahahahha such terrible acting. 
  73. Is this dream over yet? There's creepy laughing children.
  74. Damn dude. Withdrawl is not a fun thing. I'd rather just overdose.
  75. #sorrynotsorry
  76. Of course they left. You're a selfish dickwad sometimes, Elliott.
  77. I almost feel bad for you.
  78. OKAY BUT WAIT SINCE THIS WAS ALL A DREAM I STILL THINK THAT CHRISTIAN SLATER IS BRAD PITT SO WE'RE OKAY NOW.
  79. I'm not realizing that I might have ruined Fight Club for you?
  80. Or did I do that already?
  81. How does annoying hacker chick have any friends? Or a boyfriend?
  82. Or, better yet, how is she still alive?
  83. The guys she was looking for drives a limo and wears a creepy Satan mask?
    Everyone is going to die.
  84. Phones are NOT cheap, wtf?
  85. "Worrying is a waste of time" - the only intelligent thing that girlfriend neighbor has ever said.
  86. Oh. This is the most random girl on girl make out scene I have ever seen in my entire life.
    This scene only exists for all the nerd guys who were begging for it.
  87. "Badass bitch"? There is no way that boring Angela could ever be described that way.
  88. Stop being those girls that Jessica and I just talked about today. Giving out compliments like they're fucking tic-tacs.
  89. Annoying hacker chick needs pants. Everyone around her is bundled up in layers of clothing and she's in short shorts.
  90. One of those hacker guys in the other hacker group is her ex-boyfriend. Called it. 
  91. This is also an insanely random make out scene.
  92. Her fake crying is hilariously bad.
  93. Boring Angela made it to work?? I am SO impressed.
  94. After a night of ecstasy and self discovery, I would 100% have called out sick.
  95. Boring Angela is going to frame her boyfriend boyfriend for allowing the Asian hackers into their security program?
  96. YOU GO GIRL
  97. However, there are security cameras, right?
  98. There has to be.
  99. Girl, you're gonna be caught.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Mr. Robot. "d3bug"

I'd say we should just jump in, but I'm going to provide a disclaimer for you real quick. If you have not seen Fight Club, turn away now. Actually, just get out of my life because WHO ARE YOU. If you have seen Fight Club and you have also seen Mr. Robot... I hope I'm right and you know EXACTLY what I'm getting at.

I will use any excuse to put this photo on my blog.
  1. Of course Tyrell is that douche who runs shirtless.
  2. My ex-boyfriend did that. That should be enough explanation.
  3. Tyrell is married? Weird.
  4. Is this a beard marriage or a green card marriage?
  5. His conversation with himself to practice his fight for his promotion is odd. And it gets more odd when he slaps himself. Twice.
  6. Tyrell doesn't speak to receptionists? Shocking.
  7. Oh it's that douche from Smash! I liked that show.
  8. Awwwww. Please don't make me feel bad for Tyrell, like he's actually a human being with feelings or something.
  9. Sad Tyrell is sad.
    ... Hands of blue?
  10. ... Or he's going to fucking MURDER SOMEONE
  11. Holy shit. This man is a fucking horrible person. He actually pays homeless people to let him kick his ass. Seriously? This is disgusting.
  12. Ignore every single thing I said about feeling bad for Tyrell. He's worse than the piece of shit I flushed down the toilet this morning. 
  13. I'm so incredibly angry right now. I get that this is fake but now I'm realizing that there are actually human beings out there that might actually be doing this. 
  14. Fuck you, Tyrell
  15. Now I need to calm the hell down. I better not have to watch that shit again.
  16. *deep breathing*
  17. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH Elliott is in the hospital? How long was that drop?
  18. Lol his neighbor he bones and his psychologist (that he wants to bone?) are both there when he wakes up. But not boring Angela who he's in love with.
  19. His neighbor is his emergency contact? Why?
  20. I love how honest Elliott is.
  21. He is asked, point blank, why he's taking morphine and his response is, "I don't have a good enough reason. I wish I did. But I don't." Thank you for your honesty.
  22. Wait. A hospital only has a $7k budget for security? That seems really small. And dumb.
  23. Yesssssss. Elliott chooses his hospital based on how shitty their IT department is so he can hack it and change all his medical records. Smart man.
  24. His neighbor is mad because her dealer is in jail... Can we get her into rehab, please?
  25. I SWEAR THIS STUPID HACKER GIRL BETTER NOT HAVE HURT THE DOG
  26. Ugh. I also hope that Elliott doesn't end up with stupid hacker girl.
  27. WHERE IS HIS DOG
  28. I'm going to have an anxiety attack until I see his dog
  29. Hahahaha what a dumbass Angela is. She picked up a clearly FEMALE wallet on the ground that was just dropped by a running man who looked sketchy as fuck and she gave it to him. 
    Totes isn't a robber.
  30. LOL boring boyfriend is overcompensating right now
  31. He's going to get SO CAUGHT in this episode
  32. Oh I love the mix tape guy hella blackmailing boring boyfriend guy
  33. Elliott talking about how he feels about humanity is my life.
  34. This boss guy is so weird. He seems shady... Something is up. My spider sense is tingling.
  35. Dude.
  36. Dude.
  37. DUDE.
  38. Now I'm starting to think that Christian Slater isn't real.
  39. WAIT.
  40. Is Elliott actually the "lead" of fsociety?!
  41. IS THIS ALL IN HIS HEAD
    Super manly drink for a super manly man.
  42. Lol I have to stop this sudden realization to point out that Christian Slater is drinking an apple martini
  43. I love this
  44. OKAY I'M BACK
  45. The bartender is ONLY talking to Elliott
  46. Holy. Shit.
  47. HOLY. SHIT.
  48. Christian Slater isn't real.
  49. THIS IS TOTALLY LIKE FIGHT CLUB, ISN'T IT?!
  50. If I'm wrong, Jessica is going to give me so much shit for so long
  51. Ugh this makes so much more sense than if Christian Slater was real.
  52. My mind is buzzing way too much right now
  53. Lol fsociety is so not over. Good try.
  54. "I'll heart things on instagram. I'll drink Vanilla Lattes." I LOVE that this is Elliott's "normal" world.
  55. Elliott, us introverts should not try to socialize. This is going to end badly.
  56. Only good music choice so far - Steal my Sunshine by Len
  57. Oooooooooo that mix tape guy wants access to the security company that everyone in this series works for?
  58. Oooooooooooo so Tyrell's marriage is a beard marriage, yeah?
  59. Don't you DARE hit your pregnant wife. This show has enough serious issues with women.
  60. "Us is me". Ugh. I hope Tyrell gets hit by a bus and dies slowly.
  61. The neighbor chick is standing up for herself?!
  62. IT. IS. ABOUT. FUCKING. TIME.
  63. Don't give this huge speech and then fall for his shit. Boys are deceptive af.
  64. Oh look. Everyone isn't simply what they post online. Shocking.
  65. Okay. Maybe I'm starting to like neighbor chick a little. I should probably try to learn her name now.
  66. "Don't let me down, okay?" KISS. OF. DEATH. Jesus. Do you not even know guys?
  67. Oh maybe Tyrell isn't gay. He's trying to get "in" with the assistant of that guy?
  68. "I think you're beautiful. I want to take you home." Pretty sure that's what Jeffery Dahmer said.
  69. Oh boring Angela is SUUUUUUUPER not happy that Elliott has a girlfriend.
  70. Awkward.
  71. Where the fuck does his boss live? A dungeon?
  72. I mean, I love it. But it's still weird.
  73. AHHHHH IT'S JUSTIN FROM QUEER AS FOLK!! I miss him. I'm so happy to see he's still adorable.
  74. Why do people always ask couples how long they've been together. Like, that is none of your business. That also doesn't quantify how "in love" they are. I've seen better couples who have been together for 2 months who know one another better than couples who have been together for 10 years.
  75. Poor 7th wheel dude.
  76. I feel your pain.
  77. Gideon is searching more into fsociety?
  78. "Shit. I'm gonna have to let him hug me, aren't I?" HAHAHAHAH I love you, Elliott
  79. lol Elliott you ditched your new girlfriend for boring Angela?
  80. Running away is still fun, Angela. It just sucks when you have to come back. Especially when you have a douchy boyfriend.
  81. Of course fsociety held onto the big stuff
  82. OMG Evil Corp is the REASON that Elliott's dad got leukemia? That's so messed up.
  83. Still think it's hilarious that their name actually is Evil Corp though.
  84. FLASHBACKS!
  85. Elliott's mom is pretty harsh. Don't be so mean about a father's death to his son. Have a little sympathy.
  86. She's psychotic
  87. I can't tell if Tyrell is pretending to be gay to get in with this guy or if he actually is gay
  88. Ugh. Boring boyfriend is way too much right now.
  89. lol he's making her moms death about how he wants to talk. Klassy.
  90. WHY IS SHE LOOKING AT ALL THE PHOTOS OF THE GIRL HE'S BEEN HOOKING UP WITH?!
  91. Oh good, at least she's gonna break up with this guy so I won't have to put up with him anymore.
  92. Okay. She's actually pretty smart.
  93. I'm now really happy my computer doesn't have a CD drive.
  94. Oh lol she's not actually breaking up with him?
  95. Nevermind. She's not as smart as I just said. I take back everything nice I've ever said about her. She's dumb.
  96. Oh no. There's proof that Elliott knew about fsociety?
  97. or did they frame him?
  98. Hahaha Tyrell's "wife" is just waiting on the bed so he can come home and have sex with her? Is this a requirement from him? Or her?
  99. Their relationship is SO weird.
  100. Who is this woman?
  101. She is the most demanding submissive person I've ever seen.
  102. Finally, someone is playing skeeball. That's all I've been waiting for.
  103. I am now HYPER AWARE of the fact that no one talks to Christian Slater
  104. And everyone kind of treats Elliott like a leader.
  105. I THINK I'M ONTO SOMETHING GUYS