Saturday, December 31, 2016

Twenty Sixteen.


As the joke goes, 2016 is a year that everyone will skip during the History of Earth. 2015 will seamlessly melt into 2017, without a pause for 2016. Future generations will ask what happened to 2016. Their questions will be met with grave faces that tell a lifetime of stories. For, as you know, 2016 has been the worst year of all years.



For me, years that end in 6 tend to be full of turmoil. They have always been a time for change and a time for ache. They have been years that have forced me to grow up and come to terms with life. Let's just say that I'm not eager to find out with 2026 holds for me, but who knows? Maybe I'll break the cycle within the next 10 years. I sure hope so.

Here's what I want to do right now. I want to look back on 2016 and talk about all the amazing things that happened this year. All the things that I got to experience, because I did experience so many different things this year.




After a rough first start to 2016, my mom and I got to spend 2 weeks in Europe together. When I was planning this trip, I was terrified that we were going to spend 2 weeks arguing and that only one of us would make it home alive. Let's not kid ourselves. You all thought that was how our Europe trip would go too. I prepped myself for months beforehand. I worked through my sadness from the break-up (and the confusion of working on things with him) and slowly trained dad on how to watch a blind dog for 2 weeks (I probably should have helped him figure out our new fangled washing machine first though). When I got to Prague, my mom, who had been alone for 1.5 weeks, was practically in tears. She was so happy that I had made it safely and that she was no longer alone in Europe. Those 2 weeks were beyond amazing. We ate and drank our way through Prague and Paris. My mom let me plan practically everything (which included walking around The Louvre for 7+ hours) and I am proud to say that we only argued once during the entire trip. This argument was in the most beautiful cemetery I have ever been in and a kind old French man gave me a tour of all the famous graves. That trip made us realize that we could most definitely travel together. My dad isn't much for traveling (besides Hawaii) so this was a thrilling new discovery for my mom.


Soon after this trip was my very first weekend long music festival. Caitlin had been trying to convince me for about a year, to go to Lightning in a Bottle. If you've met Caitlin, you know that she is very persistent, which is one of the qualities I love about her. She wore me down and I finally agreed to go even though she was the only person I would know there. I had second thoughts on a daily basis. In the end, going to LIB was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Despite the non-stop daily heat, I had an amazing, eye-opening experience with the most accepting group of people I've ever met. Each person at LIB was kind, loving, and happy. As an introvert who dislikes people, going into this group of people with my guards up and my snappy replies on the tip of my tongue... I don't think I had any idea what I was getting myself into. It was an experience that made my heart so happy. It's nice to know how many good people there are in the world. Also, shout out to the woman who told me to stop and look at the moon my 2nd night there. That moment has stayed with me.


Over the next few months, I grew. I got new tattoos, I dyed my hair, I wrote down all my feelings, and I cried a lot. I also re-watched Bones three times.


During this time, I also planned a birthday trip for the books. I turned 28 years old this year and I planned to go back to Salem, MA. When my grandfather's family immigrated from Greece, they settled in Salem. I've visited Salem 3 (now 4) times and I don't think I'll ever get sick of if. Two of my most favorite people in the world came with me. My cousin, Nami, had already been to Salem with me during high school. One of my best friends, Kaitlin (not to be confused with Caitlin), had never been to Salem. It's interesting how different trips are when you're not with your parents, you have your own money, and you're old enough to drink. We ate, drank, and shopped our touristing butts through Salem. I don't think I've ever, in my life, had a better birthday than this past one. Sure, all 3 of us learned that people from the Bay Area think that they own a "heavy" jacket but trust me, you don't. At least we walked enough to burn off the 2000+ calories we ate everyday....... Right? Oh by the way, Prague isn't expensive and your coffee sucks.


One of the most memorable nights of my life will always be the Stevie Nicks concert. A few years ago, Fleetwood Mac came to town. I eagerly went to my boyfriend at the time and we both decided we were going to go... Until we saw that tickets were in the $170 range. We decided, grudgingly, not to go. I've regretted that decision for years. When Stevie Nicks announced that she was going to go on a tour this year, I jumped at the chance. My mom and I purchased our tickets and eagerly awaited the day. The show was 3 hours of 68 year old Stevie telling us countless stories about the songs she wrote and performed. She told us that the music she was singing on this tour is some things that she has never performed before. In her words, she was doing what she wanted to do this time around, no matter what anyone said. She gave advice about doing your own thing and figuring your shit out. She told everyone not to let anyone else stand in the way of your own happiness. During her final song, "Landslide", I cried. Don't worry, Stevie, I heard you.


As I sit here, on the 2nd to the last day of 2016, I think about all the great experiences I got to have this year. Yeah, 2016 was a no good, horribly shitty year for me and I am so thankful that it's over... But I'm even more thankful for all the great things that have happened this year. If I were to put my good experiences and my bad experiences for 2016 on a scale... Well, the bad experiences would really win out but at least the good experiences would put a good amount of weight down. My support system is more amazing than I could have ever dreamed of. The friends and family members who have listened to my non-stop bitching all year, the ones who have dried my tears for me, and the ones who have hugged me when I needed it... You're the most wonderful people in the world and I have no idea what I did to deserve any of you.



I have no resolutions for 2017. I'm not starting this year with a promise that I'm going to do this and/or not do that. I'm not even going to say, "In 2017, I'm going to focus on being happy." I think that, for 2017, I'll just see what happens.

Bring it on.

- so I can sigh eternally -

 lauren.




Thursday, December 29, 2016

Mr. Robot. "br4ve-trave1er.asf"

I'm crying just looking at this.
  1. Looking at some pieces of art makes me realize that I should really make my own art and sell it to people. For a lot of money.
  2. Wait. Shayla is alive?! Oh good.
  3. So awesome that not a single person in that restaurant reacts to Shayla being kidnapped. It's terrifying that this is reality. It's like the final episode of Seinfeld.
  4. In this episode, Elliott learns that actions have consequences.
  5. How does this drug guy still look high af? Can you also get drugs in jail? What exactly can you NOT get in jail?
  6. Hopefully Angela isn't doing research on her work computer. Use your framed ex-boyfriend's computer. He hasn't been fired yet.
  7. Wonder what's on those USBs -insert eye roll here-
  8. Does anyone on this show have any compassion? Or intelligence?
  9. "Oh your mom died? Boo fucking hoo." Actual line from the show.
  10. And this is why I couldn't be a lawyer. You can defend a repeat rapist but you won't take on a legitimate case because there's no money in it and/or it's dangerous. Okay.
  11. Wow. Clueless cop is clueless. These guys have less brains then Rosewood PD (shameless Pretty Little Liars reference is shameless, I know).
  12. Phishing scams are funny because it takes a moron to actually fall for it and you totes deserve it.
  13. YOU WON A FREE PRIZE
  14. like lol okay
  15. They planted those USBs but didn't have something to override the system when the system said "HI THIS ISN'T SAFE PLEASE DON'T DO THE THING YOU'RE DOING." Okay.
  16. Oh NOW the lawyer is a nice lady who wants to talk? Doubtful.
  17. What a boring bookshelf. They're all basically the same book. This is how I know you don't read.
  18. Another reason I couldn't be a lawyer.
  19. So every guy at Tyrell's company has bad hair. They probably have a company discount at a barber shop.
  20. I don't think anyone on this show is comfortable around Tyrell. So maybe everyone thinks he's creepy.
  21. HAHAHAHAHA the husband knows about Tyrell's little incident in the bathroom with the wife.
  22. I like this guy.
  23. YOU TELL TYRELL
  24. Now you're calling his wife a liar? Bold move. Bad move, but also bold.
  25. DAYYYYYYUM this new CTO is ripping Tyrell a new asshole. I do approve of being mean to Tyrell. I have double standards, okay?
  26. Angela is HELLA annoying. Who just comes over to someone's house? This is why cell phones were created. 
  27. I love how Tyrell's wife just eats while he throws his temper tantrum. Like, "Whatevs, dude." I like her.
    Say no to plastic surgery, kids.
  28. I also like when wives get to be like, "I was right", CAUSE THEY ALWAYS ARE.
  29. I don't even have a wife nor am I one, and I know that they're always right.
  30. Side note, LOVE his kitchen that he probably never uses.
  31. His wife is on top of this shit. She's a badass. Please don't make me hate her.
  32. Angela "needs" Elliott's approval. Ugh. Get over yourself.
    "I don't want to be with you but I want you to be in love with me forever."
  33. Whoa. Let's not let Shayla die though. I like her.
  34. Christian Slater is right though. Everyone is going to die if Elliott helps the drug dealer and everyone is going to die if he doesn't help the drug dealer.
  35. How have I not noticed how much I like Christian Slater's glasses?
  36. Probably cause his beautiful face was distracting me.
    -insert heart eye emoji here-
  37. You really think that A. Elliott would have Drake and/or Pitbull and B. That Drake and/or Pit bull is considered good music over Tom Petty and Pink Floyd? No.
  38. "Bitch boy"? Oh little Buffy extra. I remember you. You were a big baby who no one liked and your only friend was Dawn. That says a lot about a person.
  39. How about you don't draw attention to yourself, dude? Don't act super psyched about something cause when everyone gets set free from prison, they'll know something is up.
    If I stand up and scream, excitedly, about how someone is going to break me out of prison, no one will suspect me, yeah?
  40. Stop saying that the universe has something planned. That's super untrue. You're forcing this shit. That is not the universe speaking.
  41. Damn Elliott. You are good. (Almost) always one step ahead.
  42. What does "hug" really mean to this guy?
  43. You're going to Terry Colby? Bold move, Angela.
  44. Oh. You just stood there and said nothing. Okay.
  45. But we did get a close up of the ankle monitor so that's going to be important later.
  46. Oooooooo the brother doesn't want his drug dealing bro in the world.
  47. Probably a valid choice.
  48. At least these guys are rapists. That's nice.
  49. "Just wasn't your day, bro". What? Why does this family think that the universe is talking when they're really the ones doing the talking?
  50. Hacking is way too number reliant.
  51. This is why I could never be a hacker.
  52. I could write a book about it though.
  53. Or a blog.
  54. I'm hilarious.
  55. Elliott is fixated on "making moves". This isn't a game of chess. This is real life. And Shayla's life is LITERALLY in your hands.
  56. No one seems to want this guy out of jail.
  57. "Boy wonder"? Better than "bitch boy", I guess.
  58. I highly doubt you could hear the cell doors opening from OUTSIDE this huge secure facility.
  59. Are there really guard dogs at prisons?
  60. You'd think it'd be a lot harder to break out of prison.
  61. Hollywood magic.
  62. "This shit tastes better than any pussy I ever had". Judging by your lifestyle, I'll make an educated guess that the women you sleep with aren't very upstanding citizens who take care of themselves. So this statement isn't really fantastic. That's like saying, "This is better than being in math class" because literally everything is better than being in math class.
  63. Also, you seem like that asshole who expects blow jobs but wouldn't ever eat a girl out so I highly doubt you've even tasted pussy.
  64. Why are you guys just standing around? LET'S GET GOING
  65. Oh shit. Drug guy had his own brother killed. This family is fucked up.
  66. Oh no.
  67. Oh no.
  68. Oh no.
  69. Shayla's in the trunk isn't she?
  70. Fuck
  71. Fuck
  72. I hope she's not dead
  73. Oh god. she's dead, isn't she?
  74. I hate this show.
  75. I hate this show so much.
  76. SHE WAS JUST GETTING HER LIFE TOGETHER
  77. UGH
  78. Why didn't you kill off Darlene instead?
  79. Get out of there. Elliott. Get out of there right now.
  80. This show is depressing. I need an upper after watching this next time.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Mr. Robot. "3xpl0its.wmv"

My face while watching every episode now.

This is the second episode where I question humanity and how much it sucks. I also start to think about this show being more of an artistic piece that mocks how AWFUL we are as human beings. I also teared up a little. They were tears of frustration and sadness. This show is real life getting to me.
  1. I always forget how many episodes I still have to watch. I feel like I'm already in so deep.
  2. I have real sympathy for prisoners. You're in this tiny ass cell with one single other person. And you're probably angry and bored as shit.
  3. Then again, how about you don't go to jail?
  4. Tell that to Brendan Dassey.
  5. Anywho. This lawyer chick is right. You put your shit online and you're shocked it was figured out?
  6. This little brother was TOTALLY in an episode of Buffy. How many times do I have to tell all of you that everything circles back to Buffy. EVERYTHING. 6 degrees of Buffy Summers.
  7. Or SMG. Whatever.
  8. How does this guy keep his hair bleached in prison?
    Do the rugs match the curtain...? Ugh. I hate myself.
  9. No. You don't kill someone to get "square" with the universe. That's not how this works.
  10. Let's not pretend this murdering drug dealer is actually intelligent.
  11. What a hipster ass cafe.
  12. I want to go there TBH
  13. GODDAMMIT. Why is Christian Slater talking to people?! I hate my life.
  14. I should not have told the internet that I thought Christian Slater wasn't real.
  15. I mean. Maybe he's not.
  16. I don't even know anymore.
  17. I'm gonna have to binge this show tonight, huh? Just for my peace of mind.
  18. Or is it piece of mind?
  19. Here's my reminder to google this later.
  20. (update: it's PEACE of mind, in this situation)
  21. Do people still name their children Wendy?
  22. "Bob's your uncle". Who is Bob? Why do old guys say this?
  23. Um. You look hella shady with your hood up in a business place.
  24. And you also look more shady by not knowing your own fake name.
  25. Elliott is an awful actor. Why are you guys having him go in?
  26. This is the equivalent of "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!"
  27. "I was being too weird" No. Fucking. Shit.
  28. Also, lol, I love Wikipedia and how unreliable it is but every college kid puts it in their references.
  29. Ugh. Boring boyfriend is the WORST.
  30. He's crying and now proposing and saying that SHE'S the one giving up? Um. No. Dude. You cheated on her.
  31. "You're ruining your life!" Angela: "Maybe, but I also ruined yours." DAMN GIRL OKAY
  32. You're framing him. Hahahah okay maybe I love you a little.
  33. "Did you even think about how this will affect me?" UM YEAH THAT'S WHY SHE DID IT
  34. Side note... They have a French Flag framed in their apartment why?
  35. This older guy is acting as if Elliott is Bill Gates.
  36. "HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE YOU FOR ICE CREAM" but if he was going to, that'd be the best tour ever.
  37. The more of Elliott's mother I see, the more I want to beat the shit out of her.
  38. Elliott. Dude. You need to chill.
  39. Whoa. This scene is not okay with me.
  40. That was so mean. Poor Bill. He's not nothing. I want to hug Bill now :/
  41. The ends do not justify the means!
  42. "I need you to go call someone that matters". It's "WHO MATTERS", you stupid jerkface!!!
  43. I hate this entire speech. I hate it. He's making Bill cry. THIS IS AWFUL. You're a dick, Elliott. Now I want to cry.
  44. Bill is just there, being a normal ass dude, doing his normal ass job. He is 100% not paid enough to take this bullshit speech from some hacking junkie.
  45. Fuck you, Elliott. You're not that much better than Tyrell.
  46. I hate this.
  47. Let's not be mean to people, okay guys?
  48. I kind of hope this supervisor lays down the fucking law. I now want Elliott to fail. 
  49. GOOD YOU GO TRUDY. You are a ghost. You bring them down.
  50. Nerds have the worst logic. "People are all the same."
  51. Yup. That's it. Me and Hitler are totes the same person.
  52. If you guys sent her a text message saying her husband died, I'm going to stop watching this show.
  53. Wow. Possibly close? Not sure what they sent. Still not good cause Bad Ass Trudy is leaving.
  54. The world sucks.
  55. Yeah so you know there's totally cameras everywhere, right? How does no one on this show know this?
  56. LOL HI TYRELL. I was just thinking about you.
    Field trip with the golden boy and the freak, circa 1995
  57. Awwww drug-y girlfriend neighbor chick is starting a new chapter by wearing a horrid outfit and being a waitress. Valid life choice.
  58. Can someone fix Tyrell's hair?
  59. Tyrell is a tad too smart for Elliott's lies.
  60. "Sure. I eat lunch." Elliott. Come on dude. The lead character from Ready Player One is better socialized than you are.
  61. I wonder if I would still think Tyrell was creepy looking if I didn't know his character. I always wonder that about serial killers. Would I have flirted with Ted Bundy or would my intuition tell me to run? These are the questions I ask myself daily.
  62. Oh Tyrell is judging the shit out of the waiter. Who the fuck cares? Money will never equal happiness. Maybe he likes his life. If he doesn't serve you salad, who will? Hmmm??
  63. I hate everyone on this show right now.
  64. Yes. Look more awkward when security shows up, Elliott. Shit. Pull yourself together.
    I TOTALLY BELONG HERE I'M NOT A HACKER I DON'T KNOW WHO FSOCIETY IS LOLOL I'M NORMAL
  65. Who throws up in a sink? Are you a drunk sorority girl?
  66. Tyrell thinks you're pooping now.
  67. Oh shit. Maybe not. I knew Tyrell knew what's up.
  68. I honestly do not know who I'm rooting for anymore.
  69. What just happened?
  70. Tyrell called Elliott out and then he's going to have him helicoptered back home? And he's not telling anyone he knows about Elliott?
  71. Darlene is going to be murdered, yeah? I won't really care because out of all the ladies, she's the only one not growing on me.
  72. Who reaches out to their ex-girlfriend's dad? What a dumbass. That'll always be his daughter. He probably always hated you anyway.
  73. I like Angela's dad. He's chill.
  74. How did she become so boring then?
  75. Do these two actually love one another? Tyrell and his Russian Order Bride? Other people's relationships are so weird.
  76. What a cool library. I wish more libraries looked like libraries.
  77. Yeah, Darlene is the least subtle person ever.
  78. She's also not quiet at all.
  79. The Dark Army. Hahahhah the names of the groups on this show are hilarious. Did 4chan come up with them all?
  80. Awwww Emo Darlene is throwing a temper tantrum.
  81. Who are these people that Tyrell and mail order bride are having dinner with?
  82. Why is that center piece so large?
  83. It's very distracting.
  84. This dinner is so uncomfortable.
  85. This wife is so uncomfortable.
  86. Awww Elliott is having a typical bullshit phone convo with this girlfriend. Cute.
  87. I hope he actually does care about her. She's totally obsessed with him.
  88. #hopelessromantic
  89. So rude. Making a pregnant woman smell the wine she can't drink.
  90. "Hey here's this awesome shit you can't have. You can't have it cause you're a pregnant woman. But us men folk never have to worry cause we ain't never gonna get pregnant."
  91. Rude.
  92. LOL Tyrell is just assumoing he can talk shit about his host to his hosts wife? And she's totally not taking it. This wife is definitely the first strong woman on this show.
  93. Hahahaha of course they have a bidet in their bathroom.
  94. Why doesn't this woman lock the door when she pees?
  95. And she's just letting Tyrell walk in?
  96. Oh. Okay. Of course. She's going to offer him sex. Wow. Every time I say I like a woman on the show, they pull this shit.
  97. Wait. They're not gonna have sex? Tyrell is someone I'd love to psychoanalyze, if I knew how to...
  98. WHY ARE PEOPLE TALKING TO CHRISTIAN SLATER NOW?!
  99. I hate this episode.
  100. Unless it goes full Fight Club.
  101. Darlene's tantrums are annoying.
  102. Also, I want a popcorn maker.
  103. A legit one. With real butter.
  104. Now I'm hungry.
  105. Why are you inviting Darlene over? Doesn't she have a home? Ugh. Don't be a dick to your girlfriend.
  106. Uh oh. Angela's dad is still doing shit with Evil Corp?? Or did they stop paying insurance?
  107. GO SHERLOCK ANGELA
  108. Please don't sleep with Darlene. Gross.
  109. Oh no. Please don't say Shayla is dead. I was just starting to kinda sorta like her.
  110. How do prisoners get phones?
  111. It's a fork in the road. Get it?

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Mr. Robot. "da3m0ns.mp4"

Too much "find yourself" ecstasy talk and not enough proving that Christian Slater isn't real.

It's Bond. Elliott Bond.

  1. For once, I'm thankful for the "previously on" feature.
  2. When nerds have no idea what you're saying...
  3. OH RIGHT. Gotta remember to see if anyone is paying attention to my boy Christian Slater.
  4. LOL maps. No one uses maps anymore. Except fsociety, apparently.
  5. And actual photos? These guys are adorable.
    SEE HOW CHRISTIAN SLATER IS AWAY FROM ALL OF THEM?!
  6. Uh oh. Did they infect Elliott with some sort of disease?!
  7. Oh no. He's just starting his with drawls. Cool.
  8. I feel like a lot of junkies have had this exact conversation with their drugs.
  9. "It needs me." Nope.
  10. "Get through the next couple of days and then I'll be clean." Lol. Nope. Times 2.
  11. I ALWAYS FORGET THAT HE HAS A DOG
  12. They should feature this dog more.
  13. Whoa. Elliott. Your level of paranoid is through the roof.
  14. I know I say it every episode, but annoying hacker chick is so annoying.
  15. Of course Evil Corp is raising their security. That Tyrell guy knows what's up.
  16. LOL IS THAT GUY WEARING A THREE WOLVES T-SHIRT?
  17. I light weight might want it. Possibly.
  18. Annoying hacker chick knows another bad ass hacker group. Wonder how many of the guys in the group she's banged.
  19. Aren't all these hackers junkies? They 100% look it.
  20. They just stole a soccer mom's car? Rude.
  21. No. Christian Slater is not going to say anything about this BECAUSE HE'S NOT REAL.
  22. My fear of having a cold is why I couldn't be a junkie. Withdrawls look awful.
  23. Elliott's rants are starting to make more sense to me?
  24. I don't know if I've said this or not, but the filming of this show is just beautiful.
  25. Oh right. Boring boyfriend and boring Angela are still together.
  26. WOW. Her boyfriend is such a sleezeball.
  27. And now he's way too over reaching. "I'm not gonna let myself off easy. You're gonna be wined and you're gonna be dined until I feel like I'm out of the doghouse." Wow. Just wow.
  28. What does girlfriend neighbor chick do all day?
  29. I love fake hackers talking shit about fake hackers.
  30. Speaking of, Johnny Lee Miller used to be so hot.
  31. "I got so wasted I forgot it's Sunday." Stay classy, annoying hacker chick.
  32. Legitimately the only girl on this show I don't hate is the not annoying hacker chick and I don't think they have said her name.
  33. What in the hell is girlfriend neighbor wearing?
    That's totally last nights make-up too.
  34. Of course ehe calls ecstasy "clarity". Here she is, lecturing a girl she doesn't really know about how she needs to find herself and "forget about" life for a while. Sweetheart, you live in a shit-hole where you apparently don't work, you get so wasted with your drug dealer that he (routinely) rapes you (but you think it's okay because you were wasted), and you're in a "relationship" with someone who doesn't even love you and isn't truthful with you. I totally understand where you're going and I'm all thumbs up for using (certain) drugs recreationally to let go and find yourself, but let's not get carried away. Let's come back to the part where your life is a shitshow.
  35. Then again, these two girls are a lot more alike than I thought. Elliott has a type.
  36. This is a club. A club where everyone plays ping pong? ... cool...
  37. Well shit. Someone just talked to Christian Slater and I just don't know anymore.
  38. People talked to Brad Pitt in Fight Club too though.
  39. Yup. I'm holding onto my theory like Rose held onto that door in Titanic.
  40. Fuck all y'all.
  41. FUCK. Someone is having a seriously long conversation with Christian Slater. 
  42. I hate being wrong.
  43. Dude. Are you taking him to a like... haunted house?
  44. Oh. It's a crack house. Close enough. And scarier. 
  45. Yes. Those houses are as creepy as they portray on this show.
  46. DID YOU JUST TAKE A NEEDLE FROM A STRANGER?!
  47. Elliott. WTF are you doing?
  48. This entire episode is so fucked.
  49. And now people are being shot?
  50. I feel like I'm in a real fucked up version of Alice in Wonderland.
  51. Is this a dream?
  52. Yes. Yes it is. 
  53. This is getting creepy AF
  54. He HAS to be tripping
  55. All the houses look the same BLAH BLAH BLAH
  56. His is an empty lot that says "404 Error" hahahahaha
    This show is so meta.
  57. So much symbolism.
  58. Tyrell is in his house. this guy is trippin balls.
  59. And I love that this fish sounds like a sexy, funky, black man.
  60. This fish is talking about how exhausted he is in this world. How he has to see the same shit every single day. How he has to do the same shit every single day...
  61. Same.
  62. A restaurant where you can't force people to share what's on their plate?
  63. Rude.
  64. That's the WHOLE REASON of eating out with people. You order different things and force the other person to let you eat half their plate.
  65. Now I know why I'm single.
  66. Boring Angela is eating the sexy funky black man fish? This is why I hate her.
  67. OH THEY'RE CUBICLES I GET IT NOW
  68. Clever.
  69. Oh. Elliott in a suit.
  70. Hmmmm...
  71. What's sexier? A shirtless Elliott or a tuxedo'd Elliott?
  72. The chick who plays Angela... her trying to be a badass bitch girl... ahahhahahahha such terrible acting. 
  73. Is this dream over yet? There's creepy laughing children.
  74. Damn dude. Withdrawl is not a fun thing. I'd rather just overdose.
  75. #sorrynotsorry
  76. Of course they left. You're a selfish dickwad sometimes, Elliott.
  77. I almost feel bad for you.
  78. OKAY BUT WAIT SINCE THIS WAS ALL A DREAM I STILL THINK THAT CHRISTIAN SLATER IS BRAD PITT SO WE'RE OKAY NOW.
  79. I'm not realizing that I might have ruined Fight Club for you?
  80. Or did I do that already?
  81. How does annoying hacker chick have any friends? Or a boyfriend?
  82. Or, better yet, how is she still alive?
  83. The guys she was looking for drives a limo and wears a creepy Satan mask?
    Everyone is going to die.
  84. Phones are NOT cheap, wtf?
  85. "Worrying is a waste of time" - the only intelligent thing that girlfriend neighbor has ever said.
  86. Oh. This is the most random girl on girl make out scene I have ever seen in my entire life.
    This scene only exists for all the nerd guys who were begging for it.
  87. "Badass bitch"? There is no way that boring Angela could ever be described that way.
  88. Stop being those girls that Jessica and I just talked about today. Giving out compliments like they're fucking tic-tacs.
  89. Annoying hacker chick needs pants. Everyone around her is bundled up in layers of clothing and she's in short shorts.
  90. One of those hacker guys in the other hacker group is her ex-boyfriend. Called it. 
  91. This is also an insanely random make out scene.
  92. Her fake crying is hilariously bad.
  93. Boring Angela made it to work?? I am SO impressed.
  94. After a night of ecstasy and self discovery, I would 100% have called out sick.
  95. Boring Angela is going to frame her boyfriend boyfriend for allowing the Asian hackers into their security program?
  96. YOU GO GIRL
  97. However, there are security cameras, right?
  98. There has to be.
  99. Girl, you're gonna be caught.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Mr. Robot. "d3bug"

I'd say we should just jump in, but I'm going to provide a disclaimer for you real quick. If you have not seen Fight Club, turn away now. Actually, just get out of my life because WHO ARE YOU. If you have seen Fight Club and you have also seen Mr. Robot... I hope I'm right and you know EXACTLY what I'm getting at.

I will use any excuse to put this photo on my blog.
  1. Of course Tyrell is that douche who runs shirtless.
  2. My ex-boyfriend did that. That should be enough explanation.
  3. Tyrell is married? Weird.
  4. Is this a beard marriage or a green card marriage?
  5. His conversation with himself to practice his fight for his promotion is odd. And it gets more odd when he slaps himself. Twice.
  6. Tyrell doesn't speak to receptionists? Shocking.
  7. Oh it's that douche from Smash! I liked that show.
  8. Awwwww. Please don't make me feel bad for Tyrell, like he's actually a human being with feelings or something.
  9. Sad Tyrell is sad.
    ... Hands of blue?
  10. ... Or he's going to fucking MURDER SOMEONE
  11. Holy shit. This man is a fucking horrible person. He actually pays homeless people to let him kick his ass. Seriously? This is disgusting.
  12. Ignore every single thing I said about feeling bad for Tyrell. He's worse than the piece of shit I flushed down the toilet this morning. 
  13. I'm so incredibly angry right now. I get that this is fake but now I'm realizing that there are actually human beings out there that might actually be doing this. 
  14. Fuck you, Tyrell
  15. Now I need to calm the hell down. I better not have to watch that shit again.
  16. *deep breathing*
  17. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH Elliott is in the hospital? How long was that drop?
  18. Lol his neighbor he bones and his psychologist (that he wants to bone?) are both there when he wakes up. But not boring Angela who he's in love with.
  19. His neighbor is his emergency contact? Why?
  20. I love how honest Elliott is.
  21. He is asked, point blank, why he's taking morphine and his response is, "I don't have a good enough reason. I wish I did. But I don't." Thank you for your honesty.
  22. Wait. A hospital only has a $7k budget for security? That seems really small. And dumb.
  23. Yesssssss. Elliott chooses his hospital based on how shitty their IT department is so he can hack it and change all his medical records. Smart man.
  24. His neighbor is mad because her dealer is in jail... Can we get her into rehab, please?
  25. I SWEAR THIS STUPID HACKER GIRL BETTER NOT HAVE HURT THE DOG
  26. Ugh. I also hope that Elliott doesn't end up with stupid hacker girl.
  27. WHERE IS HIS DOG
  28. I'm going to have an anxiety attack until I see his dog
  29. Hahahaha what a dumbass Angela is. She picked up a clearly FEMALE wallet on the ground that was just dropped by a running man who looked sketchy as fuck and she gave it to him. 
    Totes isn't a robber.
  30. LOL boring boyfriend is overcompensating right now
  31. He's going to get SO CAUGHT in this episode
  32. Oh I love the mix tape guy hella blackmailing boring boyfriend guy
  33. Elliott talking about how he feels about humanity is my life.
  34. This boss guy is so weird. He seems shady... Something is up. My spider sense is tingling.
  35. Dude.
  36. Dude.
  37. DUDE.
  38. Now I'm starting to think that Christian Slater isn't real.
  39. WAIT.
  40. Is Elliott actually the "lead" of fsociety?!
  41. IS THIS ALL IN HIS HEAD
    Super manly drink for a super manly man.
  42. Lol I have to stop this sudden realization to point out that Christian Slater is drinking an apple martini
  43. I love this
  44. OKAY I'M BACK
  45. The bartender is ONLY talking to Elliott
  46. Holy. Shit.
  47. HOLY. SHIT.
  48. Christian Slater isn't real.
  49. THIS IS TOTALLY LIKE FIGHT CLUB, ISN'T IT?!
  50. If I'm wrong, Jessica is going to give me so much shit for so long
  51. Ugh this makes so much more sense than if Christian Slater was real.
  52. My mind is buzzing way too much right now
  53. Lol fsociety is so not over. Good try.
  54. "I'll heart things on instagram. I'll drink Vanilla Lattes." I LOVE that this is Elliott's "normal" world.
  55. Elliott, us introverts should not try to socialize. This is going to end badly.
  56. Only good music choice so far - Steal my Sunshine by Len
  57. Oooooooooo that mix tape guy wants access to the security company that everyone in this series works for?
  58. Oooooooooooo so Tyrell's marriage is a beard marriage, yeah?
  59. Don't you DARE hit your pregnant wife. This show has enough serious issues with women.
  60. "Us is me". Ugh. I hope Tyrell gets hit by a bus and dies slowly.
  61. The neighbor chick is standing up for herself?!
  62. IT. IS. ABOUT. FUCKING. TIME.
  63. Don't give this huge speech and then fall for his shit. Boys are deceptive af.
  64. Oh look. Everyone isn't simply what they post online. Shocking.
  65. Okay. Maybe I'm starting to like neighbor chick a little. I should probably try to learn her name now.
  66. "Don't let me down, okay?" KISS. OF. DEATH. Jesus. Do you not even know guys?
  67. Oh maybe Tyrell isn't gay. He's trying to get "in" with the assistant of that guy?
  68. "I think you're beautiful. I want to take you home." Pretty sure that's what Jeffery Dahmer said.
  69. Oh boring Angela is SUUUUUUUPER not happy that Elliott has a girlfriend.
  70. Awkward.
  71. Where the fuck does his boss live? A dungeon?
  72. I mean, I love it. But it's still weird.
  73. AHHHHH IT'S JUSTIN FROM QUEER AS FOLK!! I miss him. I'm so happy to see he's still adorable.
  74. Why do people always ask couples how long they've been together. Like, that is none of your business. That also doesn't quantify how "in love" they are. I've seen better couples who have been together for 2 months who know one another better than couples who have been together for 10 years.
  75. Poor 7th wheel dude.
  76. I feel your pain.
  77. Gideon is searching more into fsociety?
  78. "Shit. I'm gonna have to let him hug me, aren't I?" HAHAHAHAH I love you, Elliott
  79. lol Elliott you ditched your new girlfriend for boring Angela?
  80. Running away is still fun, Angela. It just sucks when you have to come back. Especially when you have a douchy boyfriend.
  81. Of course fsociety held onto the big stuff
  82. OMG Evil Corp is the REASON that Elliott's dad got leukemia? That's so messed up.
  83. Still think it's hilarious that their name actually is Evil Corp though.
  84. FLASHBACKS!
  85. Elliott's mom is pretty harsh. Don't be so mean about a father's death to his son. Have a little sympathy.
  86. She's psychotic
  87. I can't tell if Tyrell is pretending to be gay to get in with this guy or if he actually is gay
  88. Ugh. Boring boyfriend is way too much right now.
  89. lol he's making her moms death about how he wants to talk. Klassy.
  90. WHY IS SHE LOOKING AT ALL THE PHOTOS OF THE GIRL HE'S BEEN HOOKING UP WITH?!
  91. Oh good, at least she's gonna break up with this guy so I won't have to put up with him anymore.
  92. Okay. She's actually pretty smart.
  93. I'm now really happy my computer doesn't have a CD drive.
  94. Oh lol she's not actually breaking up with him?
  95. Nevermind. She's not as smart as I just said. I take back everything nice I've ever said about her. She's dumb.
  96. Oh no. There's proof that Elliott knew about fsociety?
  97. or did they frame him?
  98. Hahaha Tyrell's "wife" is just waiting on the bed so he can come home and have sex with her? Is this a requirement from him? Or her?
  99. Their relationship is SO weird.
  100. Who is this woman?
  101. She is the most demanding submissive person I've ever seen.
  102. Finally, someone is playing skeeball. That's all I've been waiting for.
  103. I am now HYPER AWARE of the fact that no one talks to Christian Slater
  104. And everyone kind of treats Elliott like a leader.
  105. I THINK I'M ONTO SOMETHING GUYS

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Mr. Robot. "ones-and-zer0es"

Let's jump right in.

  1. This Tyrell guy says "bonsoir" like it's a legitimate thing Americans do
  2. Tyrell's hair really bothers me. It's like a side mullet thing.
  3. "Annoying lawyers". Isn't that an oxymoron?
  4. Of course they'r asking Elliot to join their team. That's what they always do. Has anyone seen Anti Trust?
  5. He's gonna take it, isn't he?
  6. I like this whole "round table King Arthur" thing
  7. Okay so they are REALLY names Evil Corp?
  8. "What's the word in English?" Oh please, don't be a douche, you're American.
  9. Uh oh Elliot. You done fucked up.
  10. Still unsure about these music choices
  11. Is he gonna super hero the girl he sometimes sleeps with?
  12. He is. What a nice guy!
  13. Oh this guy harassing her was in a car with 3 other guys? What a sleezeball.
  14. I FORGOT HE STOLE THE DOG! So cute. I hope it doesn't die.
  15. Ugh. He's not really hacking Tyrell is he? We all know it's a trap.
  16. Yes he knew, dumbass. Yes he was waiting for you, moron. Omg. What a n00b.
  17. I'm legitimately so embarrassed for Elliot right now. Like come on. Tyrell and his buddies are high fiving over bud lights right now. Jesus.
  18. So dumb. I cannot.
  19. I promise that within that second, he already totally knows everything about you, Elliot.
  20. Start fires. Do drugs. Good plans.
  21. Yay! You got a raise, Eillot. Except of course, there's strings attached.
  22. "You're never sure about anything until there is something to be sure about." What?
  23. Oh shhhhhhhheeeeet. Gideon knows about fsociety. And they have way more information than they ever said.
  24. IS CHRISTIAN SLATER A BAD GUY?!
  25. lol I see you tried a 4chan type of mask/reveal 
    If Colonel Sanders and Guy Fawkes had a baby.
  26. Wait. Fsociety actually does seem really awful. You chose the wrong side, dude.
  27. "Please buy my new cd. It'll only cost you 20 likes." Oh how meta of you.
  28. Ew weird boyfriend and girl I don't like are back
  29. "Hey wanna be our 3rd wheel?"
  30. No
  31. Stop that, couples
  32. Just stop
  33. Oh god. Now we're talking about twitter followers? I'm hoping they're doing this to show how ridiculous society is. Then again, I feel like the morons who actually talk about twitter with other people aren't intelligent enough to watch this show, so there's that.
  34. #sorrynotsorry
  35. Is Christian Slater in your shower? Or is that just my fantasy?
  36. Dammit. No. It's the annoying hacker chick.
    The outfit screams "I totes don't care what you think about me, dude."
  37. "My dress has cum stains on it." Wow.
  38. Oh. It was a joke? Okay... Sure.
  39. lol Elliot has zero tact
  40. Hacker chick is dating a guy and he proposes to her so now she hates him?
  41. Blah blah blah a bitter ass chick who doesn't believe in love blah blah blah
  42. We've hit all our bases on stereotypical woman casting
  43. We have the boring, but cute girl that our leading man is in love with but she'll never openly be with him, she just loves the idea of him being in love with her.
  44. A drug addicted sexually open woman who is in love with the leading man, but he'll never love her, just have sex with her.
  45. A "bad ass" chick who's been done wrong by a man before and she no longer believes in love. She'll probably end up with the leading man at some point.
  46. "Does she see them too?" WAIT ARE WE NOT SURE THAT THESE MEN IN BLACK ARE REAL?!
  47. IS TYRELL REAL
  48. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK
  49. Oh man. If have to listen to this annoying Hacker Chick anymore, I'll kill myself.
  50. YAS CHRISTIAN SLATER IS BACK
  51. Annnnnnnd everyone is underestimating Tyrell. Bad move.
  52. I do like that Elliot has a moral compass. It's refreshing.
  53. Christian Slater is explaining things using popcorn. I only love this because I love him.
  54. Ooooooh buuuurn. Christian Slater called Elliot a "zero".
  55. Uh oh. Neighbors door is open. Bad news.
  56. She's dead isn't she
  57. She's totally dead
  58. Don't do meth kids
  59. OH THE DOG IS ALIVE OKAY GOOD
  60. That's really all I care about
  61. She's either dead or currently being gang banged
  62. Why does my head go to these places?
  63. I think I need professional help
  64. EATADICK6969 is both the best and worst password ever
  65. Also, of course his username is "bigpapi"
  66. I think he contacted me on OkCupid
  67. He pays for porn?
  68. What a n00b
  69. And he tweets about his crimes?! Why are people so dumb?!
    He texts "wyd" at midnight and if you don't respond, he shoots you. NBD.
  70. I've tried to react to this meth heads ramblings but it just makes me sad so I'm gonna just not
  71. Oh eh totes killed her
  72. Meth heads really have the worst rants
  73. "That girl in there is mine." The feminist in me has her claws out.
  74. "It's a smart time to be scared bro, and a stupid time." Whoa, so insightful meth-head bro.
  75. This show says bro way too often
  76. Oh. Neighbor lady is still alive? That's nice. Maybe he does really love her (probably not).
  77. "We smoked a little". You should probably not smoke random shit with random guys who are that chauvinistic.
  78. All the women in this show are walking PSAs
  79. Don't sleep at her place, Elliot
  80. Ugh. He's gonna get his ass beat.
  81. LET'S TAKE HIM DOWN
  82. This guy is like Dexter but he doesn't murder people
  83. I guess that's better?
  84. "How do we know that we're in control. That we're not just making the best of what comes at us." This is called "life", sweetheart.
  85. McDonalds or Burger King? Bitch, it's always McDonalds. Those fries? Mmmmm.
  86. This is a depressing chat about how we really have no control in our lives
  87. Oooooo no. Psychologist! Don't make parallels between father and son.
  88. I love that he names his files with music. So good.
  89. Oh there's something in his radiator!!
  90. hahahahah the rapper totally made his cds a sort of virus so that he can hack into peoples' computers. Genius.
  91. I obviously don't know anything about hacking though
  92. lol boring girls boyfriend is such a bad liar. And he left his computer open. The same computer he just received messages about going to go sleep with another girl on.
  93. Gross. First pedophilia, then voyeurism. I guess that's better?
  94. Is rapper guy watching this girl take a shower while sitting on his computer at a library?
  95. Brave move.
  96. And now he's communicating with some Asian people? I'm so confused.
    He can read shitty poetry to me any day.
  97. Christian Slater would be that weirdo who reads poetry out loud
  98. Why is everyone so curious about Elliots dad? We already know that Evil Corp had something to do with it.
  99. Or at least I assume since everyone keeps talking about his damn father.
  100. Awwww your dad was your BFF?
  101. That's sad.
  102. Of course he got fired from Evil Corp. This is where it all starts.
  103. Your dad "accidentally" pushed out out of a WINDOW
  104. Dude. That's some fucked up shit.
  105. HAHAHAHAHAHAH Christian Slater just pushed you off the balcony. Okay.
    What all guys think when they talk to a girl. Juuuuuuuuuuust kidding.
- so I can sigh eternally -

 lauren.

Friday, November 11, 2016

Make a wish and blow out the candles. Here's to 28.


This is my "normal human" face.
28 years ago today, my parents strolled into Kaiser on Sleepy Hollow in Hayward, California. They literally strolled in. No labor pains or broken waters. I was 100% planned and since my parents had the day off on Veterans' Day, they figured, "Hey, why not?" So became my life.

What the hell are you wearing, mother?
Birthdays are such a weird thing. We get together to celebrate getting older. Some people complain about it, loudly wishing they were a teenager again (ew). Some people love getting older because getting older means you're alive. Some people don't really care either way. I'm still trying to figure out which of those last two I am. 28 doesn't seem significant. I've already entered my late 20s. I can vote, drink, see Rocky Horror Picture Show live, and rent a car. The next thing I'm really looking forward to is that senior discount!

This is one of FIVE photos okay. I was tired!
For my birthday, I figured I would give you all a list of the 28 things I've learned over the last 28 years of my life as well as some photos of past birthdays. I know, it's so incredibly creative and no one has ever done this before. Bear with me, I promise I'm not wasting your time. It's a Friday and I know you're not working anyway. I'm currently in Salem, Massachusetts with 2 of my most favorite people on the planet. You're lucky I'm writing this early and setting a timer. This is how much I love you.

28 Things I Have Learned in 28 Years
21st birthday............
  1. The real meaning of love is leaving more than one square of toilet paper in the bathroom. 
  2. Never regret that one relationship you regret, no matter how much of an asshole the other person is now. At one point in time, that other person is exactly what you wanted and hoped for.
  3. Take care of yourself. This could mean having a spa day or simply taking a hot bath. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. Don't rely on others to take care of you.
  4. Don't buy that thing that's SUPER cool just because it's "in" right now, even though you hate it (I'm looking directly at you, Birkenstocks). 
  5. Stop judging people. You do you. You let them do them. Unless they're committing a crime and/or hurting another person, you don't need to let their lives get in the way of yours.
  6. Your mom is probably right, even if she phrases it wrong.
  7. Make sure to look where you're walking. If you don't, you might run into a fire hydrant and have a permanent bump on your thigh.
  8. Invest in good, basic, wardrobe pieces. You won't always need those bell bottom, 70s style overalls, but you will use that basic black skirt several times a year.
  9. Find something to volunteer with. This could be kids, seniors, homeless people, animals... Whatever. It took me a long time to volunteer my time somewhere and I couldn't be happier.
  10. Believe in fairy tales. One of my favorite quotes is from G.K. Chesterton and he said, "Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."
    This birthday is definitely, hands down, the one that changed my life.
  11. Stop getting black out drunk after 21. It's tacky. Learn your limits.
  12. If you fart in front of a friend, and they won't be your friend anymore... They weren't really your friend to begin with.
  13. Always ask if you can pet someone's dog. 
  14. Don't peer pressure people. If someone doesn't want to do something, that's cool. But don't try to force them. This applies to many things.
  15. Stay up until you can see the sunrise. Do this at least once in your life.
  16. Go to a weekend long music festival. Trust me. It'll change your view on life.
  17. When it comes to eyebrow trends, ignore them. My brows wouldn't be what they are today if I listened to everyone in the early 2000s.
  18. When you threaten to run away (to a hidden part of the backyard) as a kid, always bring a sandwich.
  19. Take the chance. Sometimes, you'll have your heart broken or you'll lose the money, but take the chance anyway. I've learned that "what if" is way worse than "... well that didn't go as planned".
  20. Explore other options. This applies beyond politics and religions. Just because your parents raised you to believe one thing, doesn't mean that that thing is right for you.
    I hate that shirt he's wearing. With a firy passion.
  21. Spend a Christmas morning with some kids. I don't mean you should kidnap children, I'm saying that you should find someone close to you who has kids. Then you should spend Christmas morning with them. Their genuine happiness is the most wonderful thing you'll ever witness.
  22. Learn how to cook the basic things.
  23. Go see a movie, in a movie theater, all by yourself. The experience is totally different. Do this with eating at a restaurant too.
  24. Let your dog lick your face. You're not going to die.
  25. Eat the damn cupcake. You eat healthy to be healthy but you eat a freaking cupcake to stay sane. Learn balance.
  26. "The hardest thing in this world, is to live in it." - Buffy Summers
  27. There is never a bad time to make a Buffy reference.
  28. And finally, be yourself. The older I've gotten, the more I've realized how people struggle with being their genuine selves. I was really lucky to be raised with parents who nurtured my weirdness. Now, at 28, I don't have to worry about finding myself. I'm right here... Where are you?
    This is still how I feel about her touching me. <3


    - so I can sigh eternally -

     lauren.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Mr. Robot. "hello_friend".

Have you guys heard of a show called "Mr.Robot"? If not, you should totally go figure out a way to watch it, even if you have to buy it on iTunes. After prodding from my two co-workers (Thanks, Angela and Juliana!), I finally started this show. I feel like there's going to be insane twists and a ton of mind blown moments. I figured documenting this would be entertaining. I'm going to try to post 2 reactions a week, until I get caught up. Then I'll post once a week, soon after the last episode aired. 



I shouldn't have to say this... But I will...

SPOILER ALERTS!

  1. Okay. Let's get this started.
  2. Yeah. "Hello Friend" is lame. Who does that?
  3. The narrator thinks he's crazy because he talks to himself? ... What does that say about me?
  4. God, I love paranoid, socially awkward geeks.
  5. The goatee on this man is annoying me. Just grow a beard.
  6. The leading man in this show is not cute? But he is cute? But he's not cute? I don't understand what I'm feeling.
  7. He's also so socially awkward. This isn't how most people interact.
  8. lol. "I like your wifi". Pick up lines in the 21st century.
  9. "That's when I decided to hack you." Not okay dude.
  10. Oh nevermind, it's okay because this guy is a pedo. Gross.
  11. I LOVE THE LEADING MAN
  12. YOU TAKE DOWN THE PEDOS
  13. That's not what this whole show is about, right? Cause I don't think I can emotionally take a show about catching pedos.
  14. "I didn't hurt anyone." YES YOU DID YOU LOOK AT PHOTOS OF NAKED CHILDREN
  15. "I'm very different too... I mean, I don't jerk off to little kids" Good to know, leading man (still don't know his name)
  16. Oooooooooo he's on a revenge kick for his dad's death. 
  17. This pedo is either real smart or real dumb for trying to black mail the black mailer
  18. Oh dang. Leading man don't play no games, he already called the cops on this pedo.
  19. The font for Mr. Robot reminds me of something... someone tell me what it's from, kthanx
  20. OH HEY CHRISTIAN SLATER
    I'd so still bang you.
  21. Why is he still so attractive?
  22. DON'T. JUDGE. ME.
  23. Just remembered that this leading guy is going to play Freddie Mercury in a new bio pic. Not sure how I feel about that.
  24. This is the most boring looking office ever.
  25. Ew. Dress codes. That's a thing?
  26. Angela is either in love with him or she's just a crazy beezy.
  27. I apologize for "beezy."
  28. Or our leading man is in love with Angela.
  29. I hope they don't get together. I kind of already don't like her.
    See how boring she looks?
  30. "Yo buddy". Why are boyfriends so awkward.
  31. No one can stand you, boyfriend of girl I don't like.
  32. Maybe that's why you two are together.
  33. So is this guy like Sherlock if Sherlock were a hacker? Then again, isn't Sherlock kind of like a... mind hacker? I'll show myself out.
  34. This guys stalking skills puts mine to shame. He should teach me.
  35. FUCK SOCIETY
  36. I love this guy.
  37. This psychologist blows. Elliott, you don't have to talk to anyone.
  38. "What is it about society that disappoints you?" UM EVERYTHING
  39. He's totally not taking his meds
  40. BRO HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND
  41. "I'm okay with it being awkward between us." Lawl. Same.
  42. Office romances are soooooooooo ridiculous.
  43. Of course office boyfriend likes Maroon 5 and he said "I love you" for the first time on gChat. He probably plays frisbee too.
  44. "I like you, bro". If he says "bro" one more time...
  45. Does this guy die? Is this a show where people die? I hope so. But not Christian Slater.
  46. "He's too dumb to be bad". Literally what I think about 90% of the people I interact with on a daily basis.
  47. Did his dad work for these Evil Corp people? I'm thinking yes.
  48. Tyrell? He looks like a vampire. But not the hot kind.
    He used to be in a boy band, which is why he looks so bitter now.
  49. I DON'T TRUST THIS MAN
  50. HE'S BAD NEWS
  51. IS HE A ROBOT?
  52. ... Is everyone a robot?
  53. He's only "not empty" because of his pet fish that he named qwerty. Tha's cute and sad all at the same time.
  54. Awwwwww he's crying but he has no one to talk to and this is awful
  55. Oh. Just 30ml of morphine a day. NBD.
  56. And this is what happens when you do molly, kids
  57. jk
  58. kinda
  59. This techy guy has a smashed phone screen? Come on.
  60. Wait who is he stalking? Is this the psychologist?
  61. Why?
  62. Is he in love with her too?
  63. Do cab companies really just give out peoples' addresses? And if he's such a great tech wizard, doesn't he already have this guys' address?
  64. DON'T BE A DICK TO A DOG. THEY DO NOT PEE ON COMMAND. IF YOU WANT A DOG, YOU NEED TO MAKE THE DAMN COMMITMENT WHICH MEANS LONG POTTY BREAKS, JERKFACE
  65. I'm done. Thanks. Be nice to dogs, folks.
  66. It's totally Christian Slater who's hacking Evil Corp, isn't it?
  67. "Fingerblasting". lol.
  68. "It's like a crazy serial rapist with a big dick" hahahhahaha I love socially awkward people
  69. Server farms? Is that where they grow servers? This wasn't on FarmVille.
  70. I understand if you stop reading now.
  71. I feel like everything they're doing isn't actually this easy in real life.
  72. He'll leave it, won't he?
  73. "NO ONE WILL KNOW"
  74. Famous last words
  75. "Did you know that I'm gay?" Okay.
  76. This whole gay conversation is really awkward and random
  77. Did you run out of things to write about so you made this scene?
  78. I like the boss guys' old man sweater though
  79. I also like his glasses... Am I actually an old dude?
  80. When a homeless looking dude tells you to get off the subway with him, you should totes do it.
  81. I told you Christian Slater was the hacker.
  82. Why does everyone on this show talk about their dads within 3 minutes of meeting one another?
  83. "Bamboozled". This is a word that should be used more often.
  84. Into the mind of a scammer: If you can catch me, I go to jail. If you can't, I earned the money.
  85. As a Senior Fraud Associate, I hate everything you just said.
  86. As a person, I can't argue with that logic
  87. Coney Island looks like this scary magical wonderland where children get kidnapped by clowns.
  88. No secret knock? So anyone can come into hack territory?
  89. A hacking center in the middle of an arcade? I kind of really love this and I want to be part of this world?
    Hack some. Play some skee ball.
  90. "Do you wanna get high and watch your favorite movie?" Yes, that's what friends do.
  91. With or without your lame boyfriend though?
  92. lol you left the naked chick in your bed? Awkward.
  93. You can't have your lame boyfriend and your hacker best friend (who's in love with you), blondie
  94. Oh right. I forgot that Elliott was a good guy! He's gonna turn that society in!
  95. I mean, probably not but let's just play along
  96. Ugh. This hacker chick is annoying too. Are there any well written female characters on this show?
  97. Those Ferris Wheels that move and plummet you towards the water... those are the worst.
  98. "You do that, you'll set in motion the largest revolution the world has ever seen." NO PRESSURE!
  99. Okay but are they ACTUALLY called "Evil Corp"?
  100. The music in this show has been real odd.
  101. Ew. Evil Corp guy is a douche. He actually doesn't want a woman working with him? What year is this set in?
  102. Oh no. Tyrell noticed Elliott acting shady
  103. Shocking. The government did nothing to bring down the 1%
  104. OMG THE SOCIETY IS GONE?! I'm confused. Did he dream all this? Is he actually insane?!
  105. Daaaaang. The way he's able to crack passwords is kind of genius
  106. Dude, he is legit stalking his psychologist.
  107. How does a man, who has a baby, a dog, and a wife, still have time for multiple girlfriends? I'm equal parts disgusted and impressed. Teach me your time management skills, dude!
  108. lol he took the dog! Good. That guy was a dick.
  109. The song he made as the asshole married person is my parents wedding song lol
  110. Why is Angela being such a bitch?
  111. Because he stuck up for his friend and coworker? Cool.
  112. Don't kiss him in front of all your coworkers AND your boyfriend
  113. OH HECK YEAH FBI DID SOMETHING RIGHT
  114. Times Square looks like a real awful place to be
  115. Uh oh. the men in black got him?
  116. Where are you, Christian Slater?!
  117. Oh look. It's evil Tyrell. I told you so.
  118. Final note: what did married man tell his wife about the dog? Cause if my husband gave away my dog with zero explanation, I'd divorce and/or kill him.

- so I can sigh eternally -

 lauren.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Being an Introvert in the 21st Century.


The year is 2016. I thought that by now, we'd be a more accepting group of human beings, but alas, the past few months have 100% proven otherwise. We're constantly striving to be accepting of one another while another group of people is trying their hardest to shove their opinions down everyones' throat. In an ideal world, everyone would just worry about themselves. That's the world I want to live in. Because, perhaps in this make believe world, I never ever have to apologize for being an introvert.


Being an introvert is tough. Everyday, I have to explain to an extrovert why being in social situations is uncomfortable. My heart starts racing. My stomach churns and knots up. I get extreme bitch face because I legitimately do not know how to not clench my jaw in that moment. I probably want to vomit. My arms cross around me because I am literally trying to hold myself in instead of fall to pieces because I am so damn uncomfortable. I'm on the verge of tears. Then, when it's all over and if it wasn't terrible, I chide myself for being so awkward. However, if it was terrible, I'll take hours to calm down and be okay again. It's awful.

If you're an extrovert reading this, you're still not remotely understanding what I'm saying. And that's okay. I just need you to sympathize... And most importantly, leave me be. Here's the thing about extroverts. You guys NEVER have to explain yourselves to me. Ever. I totally understand that YOU enjoy this. Being around people super energizes you and makes you super happy about life. Being alone isn't something you like, at all. I toooooooootally get it. It literally has the opposite affect on me. Being in social situations drains all the life out of me. It drains all of my energy and all of my patience. I become a completely different person because I haven't had time to be alone and recharge my "introvert battery".



I have spent most of my life being told that I have an attitude problem. I don't completely deny it. I can have an attitude. But 90% of the time, when I have an attitude, it's because I'm just exhausted (or hungry. Hanger is a real emotion for me and you better not forget that). If I am in bitch mode but have been well fed, it's probably because I am at my wits end. I've probably been surrounded by people, non-stop, for days. I probably have only been alone to sleep and pee (but possibly not) by myself. If this is the case, I've probably had several people tell me to change or to "calm down" or to "suck it up". For. The. Love. Of. God. STOP TELLING INTROVERTS TO CHANGE!

I've noticed that people who are just stupid, get a pass. People who are lazy, get a pass. People who work really slowly, get a pass. People who are selfish, get a pass. People who are loud, get a pass. Extroverts, get a pass. Introverts? We never get a pass. We constantly get told to lose the attitude or to participate or to be more "excited" about activities. We are constantly told to change. We are constantly told that there is something wrong with us. We're told to just "suck it up" or to fake it and put on a happy face. We are told this our entire lives. And it's really damaging. It really hurts to be told for YEARS that there is something wrong with you.


There is nothing wrong with me. In all honesty, there's something wrong with you, if you believe that introverts have an actual problem. I have never once looked at an extrovert and said, "My God, how can she just get energy from being in a huge group and talking to people? What a freak. There must be something really wrong with her." Because I am an adult who knows that there are different people in the world and I understand that different people have different breaking points and that's okay. So why is this concept almost impossible for a huge group of people to understand?

I do socialize. I'll never have a "squad" or a "crew". I do have friends. I never feel lonely, but I do sometimes feel alone. I don't mind being alone. I love driving by myself for long distances. I love and hate being alone with my thoughts. I can 100% go to a party and schmooze (most likely with a lot of alcohol in my body). I can network and I can act like an grown up. But I will never be an extrovert. I will never be able to change who I am as a person. I will never be able to gain energy from being with and around other people. I just won't. So please, I'm begging you, if you have an introvert in your life, stop trying to force extroversion on them. Sure, try to bring them out of their box a little. But it's BABY STEPS and it's you taking on a true understanding that when this person says, "I cannot do this", you will give them breathing room. Don't throw them in a situation where people are watching and staring and potentially laughing. Don't force them into activities when they tell you that they're uncomfortable. Don't try to make them see the world the same way you see the world. Let them be the introverts that they are.



For further reading, this article illustrates everything I've just said perfectly.

 - so I can sigh eternally -

 lauren.